10 Times WWE Wrestlers Should Have Refused To Read The Script
The worst scripts ever brought to life by your favourite WWE Superstars.
If you can’t talk, get someone to do it for you. Though this advice taken generally would spawn a bizarre society dependent on interpreters, it’s a golden rule in the world of professional wrestling.
While there is a chance of succeeding on in-ring technique alone, wrestling’s most memorable performers are just as impressive either side of the bell. Those who are pure in-ring performers are at their best when they have a mouthpiece, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman being the prime example, or when booked to feud with antagonistic microphone marvels.
Promos are the building blocks of storylines. This is where stars carve out the steps towards a storied career. In the past, wrestlers were given room to improvise. However, WWE at present is tightly scripted by teams of writers, who must contend with last minute rewrites and a notoriously difficult to please boss. Though we assume WWE's top stars have more input backstage, poor writing has plagued every tier of the roster, from wrestlers debuting a new gimmick to established icons.
While being sympathetic to creative, some strange scripts find their way to Superstars’ lips, writing that should have been torn up like an old-timey strong man with a telephone directory…
10. Roman Reigns – Suffering Succotash (Raw, 9th January 2015)
Seth Rollins held a mock ten second silence, which was interrupted at five, when Roman Reigns stormed to the ring via the crowd. He cut a strong presence, helped by his pounding entrance theme. Then he read those lines.
His first wise crack, “I didn’t mean to interrupt. Yeah, no I’m not sorry”, amounted to a clunky “Not” joke better performed by Borat in 2006. That one was forgivable.
However, the writers set Reigns up with a tongue twister: “You’re full of something else. You are a snivelling, little suck up, sell-out, full of sufferin’ succotash, son”, which he delivered with the strange wincing faces of a savagely beaten boxer using a lemon slice as a gum shield. Reigns acknowledged that it wasn’t easy to say and turned to wink at the camera. After repeated re-watches the cringe remains spinechilling.
To double down on the cringe, one of the script writers regressed to their infant years and returned with the insult: “he’s got donkey dong for brains”.
Thankfully Roman returned to what he does best and beat down Rollins and J & J Security.