10 Ways To Make WWE WrestleMania 36 NOT Totally Weird
"They're silent for who they usually cheer! It's Bizarro Land, King!"
Something needs to be done, because these WWE shows on the USO Network aren't it.
It's a bit like eating something your five year-old son has made for dinner; like, it's really, really nice that they're trying, but no thank you. It tastes like sh*t, my dear boy.
Appealing to the crowd when there is, in fact, no crowd, is so jarring. Even the better, intimate in-ring promos veer into dreaded soliloquy territory when the writing feels that bit too verbose. The angles feel contrived to the point of farce. The Undertaker's teleportation bit looked ridiculous on last night's RAW. With Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows standing on the ramp, the lights went out. In full earshot, a stage hand declared "He's in place!" and 'Taker materialised behind them. The lights were out, but you could you see that near-future glob of glue crawl and pant his way out of the ring. The lack of awed crowd reaction exposed the trick, just as this entire set-up exposes everything.
The in-ring action is the least disruptive element. This bodes well enough under the weirdest conditions ever. A bit.
If we are to collectively tune into this Beyond F*cked wavelength, a change has gotta come...
10. Do Not Make Them Do The Entrances
Isn't a tad suspicious that this year, of all years, saw Triple H remove himself from the WrestleMania picture?
Here we were thinking he led D-Generation X, and it turns out he led the New World Order all along.
They can't do the entrances. They can't. They will look ridiculous. They are impractical. Triple H probably rides a motorbike to the gym, he's that high on making himself look like a 24/7 badass, but no, this isn't advisable. This will ramp up the uncanny valley element to this new WWE world, and the excess use of smoke machines likely isn't ideal for the respiratory function of those inside the Performance Center.
Charlotte Flair travelling to a gym via helicopter. The already abrasive sound of bagpipes echoing between the shortest of distances. Some staged b*llocks with prosthetic zombies through which 'Taker can walk (though it's not as if there's a deficit of unused PC talent that can ask for brains, if the prop guy is forced to cut himself off from the outside world).
Nope.
The only viable route to make this not a grotesque emulation of WrestleMania is to remove this bastardisation from what it actually is...