10 Wrestling Storylines That Were Much Darker Than You Think
Vince McMahon probably should have stuck with "good guys versus bad guys"...
WWE was potentially told a sobering lesson in what professional wrestling actually is at Elimination Chamber.
"Potentially" is right, because the story is yet to play out, and the promo exchange between Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens on Raw this week was a powerful indication that their reconciliation may well be more heartwarming than a mere consolation prize. This was always a viable resolution to the Bloodline saga - particularly given that Zayn wanted acceptance on this character arc, and may find it through a bond that was always more real than his toxic relationship with Roman Reigns - but the reaction at the conclusion of Saturday's Premium Live Event suggests that WWE might have over-complicated everything.
The fans wanted Sami Zayn to defeat Roman Reigns more than anything, and as much of a star as Cody Rhodes is, the TV ratings prove that Zayn isn't some sentimental, contrarian pick. He is a star, too. A true needle-mover.
Wrestling in North America is a morality play in which good prevails (or should prevail) over evil. It can actually be more nuanced than that - read on - but it's often more effective when it isn't.
WWE didn't even get the heat on Saturday. Sami Zayn made a mistake, and Jey Uso played conflicted. Garbage should have pelted the ring, or Zayn should have held the titles aloft. The in-between was boring and ineffective.
Wrestling is better when the hero wins - and for more evidence of that, read on...
10. Beaver Cleavage
The Beaver Cleavage character was already plenty dark. If you didn't live through the WWF of 1999 - or haven't read about it in various lists - here's a quick primer:
Headbanger Mosh, with his partner on the shelf, was repackaged. You see, Vince Russo was a genius because he had an idea for every wrestler. The idea here was to repackage Mosh as 'Beaver Cleavage': a riff on the lead young actor from the 1950s sitcom Leave It To Beaver. The twist is that Beaver Cleavage wanted to f*ck his mother. He made various innuendos in his vignettes, saying things like he wanted mother's milk with his cereal and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
The suggestion, if you missed it, is that he wanted to suck his biological mother's t*ts, spit out the milk, pour it on his cereal, and then eat the cereal.
Also, the character's name was actually Harry Beaver. So he was basically a c*nt, and Vince Russo, famed for his poor writing, actually grasped a sound bit of advice imparted by the great Mark Twain here: write what you know.
The storyline was darker than the vignettes, because it was retconned. Vince Russo has indicated (not confirmed) that the idea was for Beaver to gross his opponents out by necking on with his "mom", who was actually his girlfriend, and capitalise on the distraction to win.
As Russo said:
"Don’t tell me you ACTUALLY THOUGHT they were Mother and Son? REALLY? BRO—THEY WERE THE SAME FREAKING AGE!!! There was ZERO Maternal Connection. NONE. Please don’t tell me you REALLY thought there was. PLEASE!"
Russo being Russo, he comprehensively failed to understand that the babyfaces shouldn't have ACTUALLY THOUGHT this. They're meant to be smart.
The story was retconned, because it was gross, but then it got worse: turns out the girlfriend, Marianna Komlos, was a lying jezebel who lied about Mosh violently abusing her. So the fake incest angle was actually yet another disturbing "women are inherently awful and manipulative" angle.
Great.