6 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Dec 22)
Brrrrrrrrrrrraun's brrrrrreaking kayfabe.
Imagine the scene:
Asuka goes undefeated until September of next year. Carrying and elevating the SmackDown Women's Championship, she defends this now-prestigious prize in much the same way she did the NXT equivalent: in blinding matches at the climax of which her legend is fortified, and her opponents emerge with a fighter's aura. In parallel, fellow blue brand draftee Bayley continues to suffer what was once described as a crisis of confidence - but is now, simply, her fate. Sparks of a personality shift manifest within her over the summer. Every loss, of which there are several, sees Bayley grow frustrated and, eventually, furious - leading to a shocking, brutal angle in which she costs Asuka - the woman who ended Bayley's own streak of form forever - both her title and her three-year undefeated streak via interference at Extreme Rules.
This is a proper blood feud, and thus Bayley adds injury to the gravest insult by battering Asuka's face in. Asuka, more shockingly still, blades to put this over as something truly monumental. Bayley is stopped in her tracks by...
...Stephanie McMahon, who shrieks at Bayley to end the assault. "Bayley and Asuka, you will settle this dispute in the first ever Women's TLC Match! Congrats!" Cut to Bayley failing to suppress a smile, before blubbering and welcoming Asuka into her arms.
"Congratulations also on becoming the first women to bleed in the PG Era, Asuka!" Stephanie also says, before forming a tearful group hug.
It's not even satire, that, on this week's evidence...
6. Crocodile Tears
On this week's RAW, a mass brawl erupted between virtually every woman on the roster at the close of a six-woman tag main event, which WWE surprisingly didn't trumpet as the Xth such women's headliner in the show's history.
Stephanie McMahon emerged to put an end to the fracas. Instantly, the women put their handbags away and stood, obediently, as Steph sauntered to the ring, dwarfing all bar Nia Jax. She wittered on about the 2015 Women's Revolution, which was terrible, and the legacy of the Fabulous Moolah, who was terrible, before McMahon - who was a heel the last time she turned up on telly - cut a babyface promo announcing the first-ever Women's Royal Rumble Match. It couldn't just be organic. Stephanie had to be at the forefront of it, yet again acting as an agent of change - even though that change only happened because she was shamed into it following her ridiculous hypocrisy.
The words "first-ever" have lost all meaning, and the women lost their heat, and continuity, through this patronising PR exercise. These women, eh - they're so hormonal, they don't know whether to fight or kiss! Yes, WWE did keep this as a surprise - but how were they going to react, politically? With a roll of the eyes? Well, Nia Jax did, but her head's gone.
The whole thing is pitched as something progressive - but really, the women were framed as hysterical and grateful for participating in matches that their male counterparts treat with the normality of a singles match in 2017.