6 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (July 21)
¡Trabajo de tornillo!
Ryback is the worst.
When he's not suggesting that the idea of losing to the Ultimate Warrior on the biggest wrestling show of the year - something, naturally, refuted by those not desperately clinging to relevance - is beneath him, he's generally making a t*t of himself by making up excuses as to why he is unable to crush apples with his bare hands. "I can do it all the time, but it just so happened the one time I was filmed doing it, I tore my fingernail. What are the chances?"
About as slim as a return to WWE, on recent evidence; he's also ruining any chance he has of recovering relevance in the wrestling business.
The only place Ryback ever fit was WWE. He's ultra-jacked but limited athletically. That rules out essentially any league of note - even New Japan Pro Wrestling, with their inexplicable fondness for massive, colourless gaijins. In 2017, when for better or worse, the hardcore fandom demands blow away matches above all else, you'd think he'd keep his nose clean and maintain good relations with the company. It's not as if GFW are throwing money at The Big Individual for him to show up unannounced in the Impact Zone.
But no: Ryback is on an endless crusade of career suicide...
6. Ryback Somehow Outdoes Himself
Ryback, on a recent episode of his Talking With The Big Guy podcast - having already offended the entire nation of India - went one better by alienating an entire gender.
According to Ryback, the women of WWE need to recover their sexuality to get over more, in a return to the halcyon days of the Divas division in which nobody went for a p*ss in case they missed a five star five minute classic, intentionally sabotaged in the pre-main event death slot.
"Billy Bob watching in the middle of bumsf**kingville Arkansas doesn't want a 10 star headlock," Ryback continued. Billy Bob in the middle of bumsf**kingville Arkansas wants to see these sex objects "shake their asses". Billy Bob in Brooklyn seemed to really like the first Bayley Vs. Sasha Banks TakeOver match in 2015, mind. It tore the house down. Nothing Ryback ever did generated a reaction like that. "The women can do the moves - not as good as the guys," he snorted, as if he's Manami f*cking Toyota in the ring, and not a Florida Championship Wrestling CAW.
We've not heard a diva diss so putrid since Christy Hemme referred to Carmella DeCesare as a "c*m-burping gutter slut".