10 Upcoming Horror Movies That Are Already Doomed
Scream? Doomed. Saw? Over. Nosferatu? RIP. Bambi: The Reckoning? Let's not even go there.
Horror movies have been on the up-and-up for a while now, having overcome a lengthy period of tepid remakes, limp originals, and a general lack of creativity. Blumhouse has been bringing the pain with the larger, Hollywood-tinted flicks, while the likes of A24 and Neon have been ensuring the boundaries of what horror filmmaking can be when well and truly pushed. But what goes up must come down.
Indeed, while certain projects in the works maintain our hankering for fresh blood - Longlegs, MaXXXine, Alien: Romulus - equally as many, if not more, have us cringing with fear. And not in a good way.
Another Saw is being rushed out ahead of a late franchise entry last year; the money men have once again entrusted Paul W.S. Anderson (the bad one, not the Licorice Pizza fella) with a budget, a cast, and some cameras; and every genre classic from The Crow to Nosferatu seems to be getting a thoroughly undeserved remake.
Few of these flicks have anything to offer that we haven't seen before, and many are set only to sully the names of everyone involved. So, if you're ready to take a little premonitory look into the future, we can tell you where the killer is going to strike and which cinema screenings to avoid, with these ten upcoming horror movies that are already doomed.
10. In The Lost Lands
While we continue to await the gratuitously long-awaited The Winds of Winter and A Dream of Spring, other George R.R. Martin projects continue apace. One is the movie adaptation of his fantasy story In the Lost Lands, which centres on a queen desperate to develop the power of shape-shifting, who hires a dark sorceress to make it so; nemesis ensues.
While having Dave Bautista on board is a boon to the production, there are a couple of major drawbacks that spell anything up but happy endings for this dark fairy tale. The foremost is that Paul W.S. Anderson is directing, bringing wife Milla Jovovich along for the ride. It takes a deft hand to manage Martin's material which, as Game of Thrones readers know, is habitually sprawling, and Anderson is definitely not the man to do it.
Film for film, there are few other directors who have so consistently made diabolical movies, and Anderson's name has always been synonymous with a lack of quality and clarity. Despite the frequency of their collaborations, he's also not very good at directing Jovovich, who is a fine actor when outside his sphere of influence. But that's not where the pitfalls end, because Anderson's bringing it to fruition in an all-digital environment, ala Attack of the Clones, or Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow...