9 Ups & 1 Down From Star Trek: Lower Decks 5.3 — The Best Exotic Nanite Hotel

Boimler is manhandled; Jariner jibes; T'Lyn gets with the (nanite) vibe.

By Jack Kiely /

Star Trek theme parks and themed-hotel rooms have been in the news in the real world a lot recently, with Star Trek: Prodigy set to get its own attraction at 'Land of Legends' in Turkey, and the rebuilt Enterprise-D bridge to appear at Universal Studios Hollywood, both in 2025. That's not to forget the live-action 25th century resort planet comedy in development from Mariner's own Tawny Newsome and Justin Simien.

Little could be more apropos, therefore, than a starbase-sized space cruise ship — the setting for this week's brilliantly titled episode The Best Exotic Nanite Hotel. We see what you did there! 'Exotic'? Certainly. 'Nanite'? Most definitely, and then some! 'Hotel'? No time to sleep for Starfleet before the vibe tubes and "The Temple of Dread".

'Best'? Decidedly one of the. This is the third of a sequence of particularly strong episodes for Lower Decks. Save for one DOWN, it is at least as good as the last. I might sound like a corrupted MP3, but what The Best Exotic… does so deftly well is take the most esoteric elements (even for Star Trek) from canon to create a compelling new story for a set of characters we all care about. Other than that, it's just your standard whale-milking and vibe tubes!

11. UP — Are The Waterparks Of The Cosmic Duchess Dry? Really Dry?

We've quite (in-)famously had pleasure planets and resorts of all sorts in Star Trek, but never an "interstellar cruise ship the size of a moon," as Captain Freeman noted in her opening log. That in itself was surely a nod to Star Trek: The Cruise, which typically (now) takes place aboard one of the Royal Caribbean's 'Voyager-class' vessels (go figure!), including the 'Mariner of the Seas'.

With the 'Cosmic Duchess,' Lower Decks subverted our expectations once again. From the teasers and trailers, we had assumed this was a starbase (best resembling Starbase One). Instead, we got a floating — presumably warp-capable — tourist attraction with everything from climate zones to casinos, underwater dry parks (whatever they are) to slot machines for the Dixon Hill dilettantes and a suspiciously high mountain (… of entertainment). Even the Duchess' artificial sun 'knew' when you were sufficiently tanned!

Barclay might still want to hold onto the nose cream, however, if the Admiral's shade of red (after …Green) was anything to go by. Boimler certainly remained vigilant with the sunscreen (as we all should), later using it as lubricant to free his superiors. I don't know about you, but despite all the nanites — for which that sign did clearly apologise — I rather fancy a cruise.

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