Doctor Who: Every River Song Episode Ranked Worst To Best

"Hello, Sweetie!"

By Ash Jacob /

It all made sense in the long run... just about.

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The original premise to River Song was that her timeline went one way and the Doctor's went another, but it turned out to be a hell of a lot more complicated than that. We saw the birth, the death, the after-death and all the love, rage and romance in between. All of it was sandwiched in a narrative in the middle of the 10th Doctor and the 12th, and slowly revealed itself in a decidedly random sequence of events.

Fortunately, you are under no obligation to get ultra nerdy about what less obvious occurrence came before what. At the end of the day, River was a cool character whose on-screen presence made for an enjoyable ride no matter what the story. Injecting a bucket load of humanity in her relationship with the Doctor ensured that drama took precedence, from the end all the way to the beginning.

So lets jump back and relive the TV episodes which had the most clout, and also the ones which left us a little flustered. Starting with...

11. The Name Of The Doctor

As it's the precursor to the legendary Day of The Doctor special, there is a lot going on in this episode, most of it good. The River Song addition to the story is, however, pretty pointless.

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As far as River's chronology goes, this is her final appearance, literally ever. It's set in the aftermath of her TV debut in Silence of the Library/Forest of the Dead, where her consciousness is resurrected in digital form. This is what she did after that, which by all rights, is a story that never really needed to be told. Yes, she plays an important role in saving the Doctor one last time, but it's executed in a manner far less interesting than the many times previous.

From a literal standpoint, it's not the River we know and love, but the same goes for the character herself. The defiant exuberance that audiences grew to know and love about her personality is fully absent, and this afterthought ghost version of River is just that: a kind of bland relic.

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