7 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (August 25)
Balls of beach, balls of steel, balls of blue.
Wrestling fans are the worst.
SummerSlam weekend was in part overshadowed by the incessant need for a certain pocket of the fandom to masturbate in public. TakeOver: Brooklyn III largely avoided such behaviour - but the Biggest Party of the Summer became the Most Tragic Collective of Sad Acts in One Room. One of the best matches on the card was sullied by cretins just having a bit of fun. RAW followed the trend; beach balls bounced around the arena in a potent visual metaphor for the scatterbrained consciousness of these braying hicks. Is there a more abhorrent set of three consecutive words than "We are awesome!", as heard throughout the Naomi & Becky Lynch Vs. Natalya and Carmella match on the post-SummerSlam SmackDown?
"Strong and Stable"? "Months to live"? "Fake news! Sad."? "Next up, Creed"?
No. "We are awesome!" is the worst, for both grating obnoxiousness and profound irony. You are the antithesis of awesome. You are congratulating yourselves on behaviour most right-minded people - including the people you've just spent a fortune paying to watch - find repellant.
Somebody, anybody, needs to put a stop to this pathetic pandemic. If only Scott Steiner cut more than one epic promo this week.
7. Don't Break My Beach Balls
At SummerSlam on Sunday, Cesaro - IWC shorthand for phenomenal, under-utilised talent - was allocated a full 18:36 with which to strut his considerable stuff.
Dean Ambrose - IWC shorthand for superb wrestler masquerading as hack comedian - was given a platform on which to do something with genuine, dramatic, serious stakes for the first time in ages.
Seth Rollins - IWC shorthand for failed babyface experiment - entered a blinding babyface performance.
Sheamus - IWC shorthand for dull filler - wrestled an exciting blinder of match. WWE resurrected four wounded birds with one stone.
And still, the hardcore Brooklyn crowd instead opted to amuse themselves by throwing around a beach ball around. In one of the most cathartic moments in recent memory, Cesaro, furious, rocketed over the barricade and tore it up. As awesome as that moment was, it was completely unnecessary. The catharsis should have resulted from the climactic hug shared by Ambrose and Rollins. Sadly, that was relegated to subplot. The disrespect shown to all four men and the multi-layered story they told was disrespectful. Disrespectful is the word. If you weren't a fan of the match, voice your disapproval - or better yet, use the most effective tool of all - silence - and shut the f*ck up. That way, the message is sent to the office, and those fans that aren't obnoxious toxic trolls can enjoy what they actually paid money to see.
If you want to throw something filled with hot air around, chop your heads off. It's not as if it'll affect your cognitive functions.