The (Alternative) WWE Half-Year Awards
Featuring the only award Big Cass is going to win this year.
We've already had the WWE Half-Year Awards, and much of the same pointless preamble applies to their Alternate equivalents. As we said then, the solstice has been and gone, meaning we've passed the halfway point of the year, so what better time than now to pause for thought and... so on and so forth
These are not your traditional gongs. There's no 'Best Wrestler' or 'Best Card' banalities here, but rather coveted trophies for some of the more off-beat achievements (or disgraces) of the year so far. They might not end up on mantelpieces, but could just appear propping up old records in ex-pro's car boots. That's if they're not too ashamed even to sell them.
Yet they're arguably more prestigious (or at least, harder to earn) than the better-known varieties. Think of them like the Technical Oscars, almost-but-not-quite the same, shuffled away on ceremonies in hotel lobbies or a school sports hall. That sort of prestige.
And the losers are...
9. Most Sartorially Challenged - Finn Bálor
Finn Bálor's polychromatic get-up in support of LGBT inclusivity was absolutely no fashion crime, but apparently, it was a religious one.
When WWE made their gold-laden exodus to the desert, the runner-up to Gordon Brown in the International Awkward Smiling Competition was warned against packing his rainbow regalia by Royal request. He was kitted out in the kingdom in the most basic black, any and all hints at sexual equality hastily taped over.
On this occasion, the Irish star was forced to put considerations of prison before pride, as his employees crowed about the country's freshly minted progression. Things might be going in a new direction in the Gulf state - but it's decidedly on the straight and narrow-minded.