What Your Favourite Wrestler Says About YOU
What’s the difference between a CM Punk fan and a Young Bucks stan?
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you’re of a certain age.
Perhaps you’re a millennial, pushing middle age as hard as Vince tried to turn Roman Reigns into a star a decade ago. Where did that decade go, incidentally?
It feels like only yesterday that there was no way out for pro wrestling, that you were stuck with Vince McMahon’s wretched vision forever. Now, the shocking rise of pro wrestling has fallen again, and Vince is gone.
Perhaps you were charmed by Hulk Hogan before falling for Bret Hart. Following that trajectory, you might have been brainwashed by the WWF into thinking WCW was an imitator, and went on to prefer Steve Austin over Goldberg. But if you loved Austin, you might have grown too old for John Cena - at which point you ventured elsewhere for your pro wrestling fix. Or maybe your love affair with WWE never ended. Maybe it didn’t ever begin, and you were a young fan of vintage Ric Flair. Who’s your favourite now?
Whichever the wrestler: what does this wrestler say about you…?
(Don’t take this too seriously, people.)
30. Kenny Omega
The Wrestler:
The best big match wrestler of all-time, Kenny Omega turns violence into art. The absolute master of building drama and the close near-fall, a classic Omega match always ends at least five minutes after you think it’s over. Fond of an affectation or two, Kenny is a great promo in pre-tapes and post-match press conferences. In the ring, he’s guilty of stumbling over his words and trying a touch too hard.
What This Says About You:
Like the author of this piece, you are a tiny bit pretentious. You have a good vocabulary, but you are prone to showing off and sometimes, as you’ll only learn in a few years’ time, you use certain words incorrectly. You might reach for deeper meanings that don’t actually exist and take too long to make a point in your quest to prove that you’re not stupid. And you’re not stupid! But you’re probably less intelligent than you think.
29. John Cena
The Wrestler:
John Cena is the man who calls his spots loudly so the back row can hear it. That was a mystifying line from a man who in recent years has adopted the mantra ‘Hustle, Loyalty, Say Bizarre Things That You Yourself Probably Don’t Understand’.
Cena is one of the most popular/divisive babyfaces in wrestling history. Cheesy but very earnest with it, his rudimentary style and glowing charisma allowed many young fans to enter the world of WWE.
What This Says About You:
Strong chance you’re a small child.
That, or you’re a fan of pure spectacle and drama more than halfway competent technique. Cena is very corny with his sense of humour. You might want to sit down for this: if you’re a huge fan of this, your jokes probably don’t land in the group chat. Your mates haven’t responded because they’re busy; their phones, like everybody else’s, are stitched to their hands. If you get a cry laugh react emoji hours after firing in with a joke - as opposed to an immediate LOL - they feel sorry for you.
28. CM Punk
The Wrestler:
CM Punk is an in-ring genius who makes everything matter. One of the most thoughtful and detail-oriented wrestlers ever, Punk is so intelligent that it hardly matters that some of his actual physical stuff looks rough, or if he’s happier botching than he ever was in the AEW locker room. Controversy follows him everywhere, which should tell him something (but never does). Would wrestling be more boring without him in it? The late 2010s scene across the east and west would disprove that argument, but Punk sure has a knack of making everything he does must-see.
What This Says About You:
You’re the type of guy who looks out for numero uno. You’re a bit selfish, radiating main character energy. You sit in the aisle seat on public transport, reserving the window seat for your bag. You don’t want somebody sitting next to you and experiencing a degree of comfort - but, also, you profess to be a socialist and all-’round great guy. It’s not your fault that literally everybody else on earth has a problem!
27. Rhea Ripley
The Wrestler:
Rhea ‘Mami’ Ripley is awesome. The best women’s wrestler in the States - when she’s encouraged to lob bombs and isn’t entangled in soapy relationship drama - Ripley is an über-muscled powerhouse with explosive strikes and rampaging footwork. Everything she does looks like it kills.
What This Says About You:
Rhea carries herself like she’s invincible. With her vivid facial expressions, it’s as if nobody on the planet believes in themselves more than she does. This, combined with her alternative dress sense and non-traditional femininity, positions her as an ideal role model for girls. If you’re a fan of Rhea, you might be one of these young women.
Or, let’s be honest here, you’re an ass enthusiast leading a secretive double life as a prolific reply guy who isn’t amazing at boundaries and etiquette.
26. MJF
The Wrestler:
MJF is incredibly talented. You might even argue that he’s far too talented for his own good. This is a guy who can generate elusive real heat, and could be an actual throwback to a much-missed archetype, but is somehow capable of wrestling at the Will Ospreay level purely because he wants people to know that he can. Incredible at promos, again, he might be too good: at times, it feels like MJF is auditioning for something other than wrestling when ostensibly building interest in his matches.
What This Says About You
You might be a prick; after all, MJF is a sociopath who revels in the misery of others. High chance you have edgelord tendencies. MJF portrays a fictional character, but you might agree with “his” worldview. You might also be a bit of a poser. You love the history of this great sport. Your favourite wrestler is Nick Bockwinkel. What’s your favourite match of his?
Oh, take your pick. There are just too many classics to choose from!
25. Batista
The Wrestler:
Batista ruled…selectively. Because he’s a funny guy who left at the right time and seems to have his head switched on, it’s sometimes easy to forget that his big match catalogue isn’t especially deep. He was prone to the odd risible promo, too. But Batista’s best work was positively awesome. He was defiant with it, too, which enhanced his legend.
Ah, shame, the Triple H feud was better before it made it to the ring.
Oh yeah? Have Vengeance 2005, d*ckhead.
Oh, you think my match with ‘Taker’s gonna suck?
Nope.
What This Says About You:
You gravitate towards big dumb fun in your entertainment. You like Doom more than you like Metal Gear Solid. You like blast beats more than you like jangle pop.
But you’re a bit more complex than that, as is Dave. You prefer First Blood to the other entries in the Rambo franchise because the sobering social commentary is important. You’re deep, but you also understand that it’s never that deep.
If you’re a fan of Big Dave, maybe you bounced when he did, you have a little perspective, and you’re one of a handful of people who doesn’t engage in this ubiquitous tribalism nonsense.
24. Mick Foley
The Wrestler:
Mick Foley was the most artful wrestler to do the most phenomenally ill-advised stuff imaginable. A star and a star-maker, Foley was a genius at evoking from his opponents the very best version of themselves. Even Shawn Michaels, who didn’t need Foley like Triple H needed him, was his best 1996 self against Mankind at In Your House: Mind Games. Foley’s outrageous stunts and willingness to really hurt himself was wild, but in the fullness of time reveal an almost sad drive to be loved.
What This Says About You
You have good taste and are a nice person - though “nice” might be confused for "obsequious".
If you have a fedora hat in your wardrobe, best gift it to the charity shop. Your respect towards the lovely ladies might actually border on the creepy and obsessive.
You might also have too much love in that big old heart of yours, and are loyal to the wrong people. You buy your boss a gift at Christmas just to show them that you care.
23. Chris Jericho
The Wrestler:
Chris Jericho has seen better days. A drain on All Elite Wrestling in 2024, with his desperate cheap heat meta character and overreliance on shortcuts and plunder, he’s in such steep decline that it’s difficult to remember how instrumental he was in legitimising the promotion in the first place. Still capable of popping the crowd now and then, even if they don’t want to admit it, he’s nonetheless past his prime, during which he was an iconic, hilarious and super-effective all-rounder.
What This Says About You
You’re holding onto your hairline with the deranged intensity of a Kurt Angle ankle lock. Even at your advancing age, you still take selfies at the “MySpace angle” even if you were too old for MySpace in 2004. Sucking in your gut, you still look like you remember. They’re just making the mirrors too wide these days, that’s all.
That’s the harsh assessment; the nicer one is that you’re very loyal in your personal life - you’ve followed your fave since 1998. And, while you might not be the greatest person to have ever lived, you surprise people with your charity.
22. Sami Zayn
The Wrestler:
If you don’t like Sami Zayn, there’s probably something wrong with you.
You can never tell, but Sami Zayn seems like a great family man with an actual conscience. He’s one of the best babyfaces of all-time, incandescent and sympathetic, but is so talented that he played heel to great, obnoxious effect on WWE’s main roster. How can you not root for the guy?
He earned his spot the hard way, he cares enormously about his body of work, and beneath the craft and the emotion and all that, he gifted the world some of the sickest movez ever.
If you do like Sami Zayn, there’s also probably something wrong with you...
What This Says About You
You’re a good guy. A loyal friend. Excellent values system, very principled.
You have perfectionist tendencies and, as endearing as you can sometimes be, have zero awareness that the people around you don’t always think you’re neat. You’re irritating. At times!
They sense that underneath the happy and amiable exterior you are intent on doing things your way and can be terrifically blunt about expressing that. There’s nothing deliberately wrong with you!
You’re just an unwittingly condescending asshole, that’s all.
21. Kevin Owens
The Wrestler:
Kevin Owens is one of few wrestlers who can genuinely unsettle the fans. Despite boasting a fantastic and rare physique for a brawler, everything else about him is small, or short: his fuse, his patience, the defensive pettiness that always resides within him, even if it’s dormant. Owens has enjoyed a fantastic career and has everything going for him - but try telling him that.
What This Says About You
A glorified hermit. Utterly misanthropic with a nihilistic worldview, your deeply limited capacity for love is reserved exclusively for your family.
You have a sardonic sense of humour. You can be reductive, since you don’t see a great deal of beauty or adventure in the world. This might alienate your friends, if you can be bothered to have any. No, football isn’t just 22 people kicking a ball around a bit of grass.
Nothing at work is your fault. You didn’t break the printer, when you jammed too much paper into it during a fit of passive aggressive rage; the stupid company didn’t manufacture it correctly in the first place.
20. Jon Moxley
The Wrestler:
Jon Moxley is a violent, artful, intelligent man with very exacting standards. He doesn’t use social media (which means he’s far less prone than most to outing himself as a vain, gotten-to dork). So good at promos that he’s the closest thing in wrestling to a screenwriter, there are very flaws to his game. He does wrestle the odd match that elicits the dreaded “Huh, that’s it?” feeling, but at his best, Mox is a super-credible ass-kicker who makes wrestling look gnarly and as cool as hell.
What This Says About You
You are antisocial. You think deeply about your work, but also allow yourself to care less and less about it if things don’t go your way. You’re forthright, but can sometimes let things fester as you grapple with your mood privately.
You are also full of contradictions. You might look a bit unkempt, but your personal hygiene is fabulous. You might seem like a dark, tormented soul, but you can be silly around the people you love.
19. Ric Flair
The Wrestler:
Ric Flair styled and profiled his way into wrestling legend. The man of unparalleled stamina - and if you listen carefully to his promos, you might discover that he also uses this as code for his intercourse prowess - Flair was a charismatic fireball and an anthropomorphic drug with the ability to get high off himself. A great technician with seminal patter, Flair was also a bad dude. Which might but doesn’t necessarily for definite mean…
What This Says About You
What are these “IPAs” about? What’s wrong with a good, old-fashioned pint of bitter?
You simply will not be told that the world has changed, and that certain behaviours are no longer acceptable. You still call them “birds” or “chicks”, and that it’s if you’re one of the better ones.
You despair at the utter woke nonsense pervasive in the world today (despite not knowing what that actually means).
18. The Rock
The Wrestler:
The Rock was (and on 2024 form still is) the most electrifying man in all of entertainment. Red One was bad, but the timing was wrong, you understand. People aren’t losing interest in Dwayne, no sir. You just got caught up in a vortex of new leadership (?).
Man, don’t you just hate it when that happens?
The Rock is incredibly funny, can promo for half an hour without a single soul getting bored, and has restored a certain chaotic pro wrestling spirit to Paul Levesque’s very methodical plotting. He’s a meddler out for himself, which means…
What This Says About You
You’re a fun guy to be around, but you chase the pop too often. If you’re watching a TV show with friends, you’ll hurt their ribs by elbowing them so hard as you provide your very own director’s commentary. And, if those friends don’t laugh, you’ll still try to get ‘em - either by simply repeating the joke or doing it in a funnier voice.
You can’t accept criticism and will ruin the dinner party if you don’t win the board game. Also, as somebody who latches onto trends, in order to be cool, you’ve committed atrocities against fashion more than once in your life.
17. Steve Austin
The Wrestler:
Steve Austin was the best all-rounder ever. He was so good that he had to drop one of his key attributes - his exquisite technical ability - because his neck got broken. And he was a better worker for it!
Hilarious, an incandescent brawler, the guy everybody wanted to be in 1998: watching prime ‘Stone Cold’ was quite possibly the most cathartic experience ever.
What This Says About You
You’re a simple man with simple pleasures: beer and kicking ass. You aren’t pretentious. You might own a t-shirt with “I Didn’t Fart…My Ass Blew You A Kiss” printed on it. Rock music was better in the ‘90s.
You might also be the weird person who doesn’t know how off-putting they can be. Austin managed to out-creep Christian by saying “What?” to him relentless as a rib, so if you’ve ever been to a party and the host told you it was over and you had to leave, the guests were hiding in the kitchen.
16. Bryan Danielson
The Wrestler:
Bryan Danielson was an in-ring magician, a technical genius, a man who could play underdog babyface and vile sadist bully.
What This Says About You:
If you love Danielson for everything he was, the hero who by his own admission is “a real bully”, then you probably have a conscience and are fearful of what the world is coming to - but are able to laugh about it with a dark sense of humour.
Danielson is arguably the greatest of all-time, so good news: you have great taste!
Danielson was also a wonderful sports entertainer with the ability to make young children believe in him. The bad news here is that, if Danielson is your fave, you might be one of those bores who can’t admit that you like a corny pop tune if it works against your well-curated social media image as an intellectual with discerning tastes. Nobody cares.
15. Hulk Hogan
The Wrestler:
Hulk Hogan was a magician at making the fans believe in his broad comic book act. The best manipulator of a crowd ever, he was a superb over-exaggerated heroic babyface. For his time.
What This Says About You:
You’re either seven years old, or you might be a little too attached to your romanticised past. Hogan was a great worker, but if you’re pushing 40 and still desperately need him to beat the baddie, you might wish to venture what is known as “outside”. There’s also an exceptional chance that hold thoroughly awful opinions.
14. Randy Orton
The Wrestler:
Randy Orton is the man who makes the little things matter. What those little things are, nobody has ever elaborated upon, but it’s a neat thing to say, isn’t it?
Genuinely very good mechanically, Orton is almost as good as people say he is when on his very best form (rare). His big match library is, well, it’s often just that. The ambience of the crowd is effective ASMR.
Orton
What This Says About You:
Math might not be your strong point; Orton’s fans often hold him aloft as an example of a real star, not like those flippy cosplay wrestlers, when in actuality, Orton has no proven record as a draw. Look at what happened to the SmackDown ratings when Mark Henry beat him for the Big Gold in 2011.
Stick to the humanities and, where possible, skip the adverts on your TV set. You are prone to being gullible.
In happier news, if you’re anything like your hero, you’ll make it through life with minimal effort and in the face of various incidents because you’re good at what you do.
13. Hangman Page
The Wrestler:
Hangman Page is one of very few geniuses operating in wrestling today. Ironically, given his pyromaniac form in 2024, as all around him AEW burns to the ground, his character work remains incredible. He’s still capable of looking after his own stuff, making sure it is threaded together as much as it can be, and unlike so many other wrestlers, Hanger can credibly play unhinged. His wild-eyed facial expressions are magnificent. He’s also a wonderful babyface, so much so that…
What This Says About You:
Wrestling fans were raised on butt rock, but that’s not you. A sensitive person with your own anxieties, you listen along wistfully to midwestern emo. You feel a sense of injustice often squashed by helplessness. Deep down, far below the skin, you are a perverse ghoul with a lust for violence. You might think you’re better than everybody else, but you’re not. You type your texts and posts out in lower case. You even change from upper case to, ironically, create the impression that you lack the effort to be formal.
You are also very horny, most likely. Hangman just has this effect on people.
12. Swerve Strickland
The Wrestler:
Swerve Strickland veers between being a notch below Will Ospreay and Kenny Omega as a “hybrid” big match guy and occupying the absolute top of the pro wrestling violence game. Despite his very slight cornball tendencies - Swerve can elicit cringe when he’s going for “sinister” - he is still one of the coolest wrestlers of this era.
What This Says About You:
Well, Swerve is a lunatic. Between his Lucha Underground Hell of War match against Dante (AR) Fox, and taking a powerbomb on a shoot cylinder block at AEW All Out ‘24, Swerve is as violent as the most depraved Big Japan death guys, but far more artful with it.
You have taste, but might be an edgelord. You might be a sick f*ck. If you’re on X, your For You tab more closely resembles Rotten dot com than a social media app.
Try going for a walk and appreciating the true beauty of nature.
11. Seth Rollins
The Wrestler:
Seth Rollins, much like a warm soup, is nothing if not consistent. If you want a solid match, Seth’s your guy. That take probably downplays how good and how popular Seth is. He’s one of the most popular and over acts in one of the hottest periods in U.S. pro wrestling history - but aren’t there wrestlers who do broadly the same things as Seth does, only much better? Isn’t Seth a less intoxicating Kenny Omega?
What This Says About You:
You might not be too adventurous with your taste in things, not that there’s anything remotely wrong with that. You are more than happy to watch whichever decent Netflix thumbnail appears first - and honestly, that sounds great. Choice paralysis and the endless mystery of what the vast, endless stream of content might offer, if you just keep scrolling, is a right headache. You could also be one of those people who for some bizarre reason is more interested in how profitable something is than if that thing is actually any good.
Instant coffee sells better than speciality.
10. The Young Bucks
The Wrestler:
The Young Bucks changed the face of professional wrestling. They adopted a “No-one likes us, we don’t care” attitude in the early 2010s, and their irreverent act was so incredible that, by the latter part of the decade, they were instrumental in forming a new mainstream competitor. Their best matches are absurdly dramatic and deafeningly loud. They belong in any Hall of Fame. They are infinitely better at playing heel than babyface…
What This Says About You:
You are rebellious, or at least strive to be. Your version of speaking truth to power is probably not going on marches and the like, but rather listening to melodic pop punk. If you’re really, really into the babyface Young Bucks, well. You might be hyper-sensitive. You might overreact to things, like CM Punk wondering aloud if there are any muffins nearby, in a way that verges on embarrassing. You might not have a great perspective on what is actually wrong with the world. You might have even compared CM Punk to a dictator with an atrocious human rights record because he wasn’t very nice to Brandon Cutler or something.
9. The Undertaker
The Wrestler:
They don’t make ‘em like the Dead Man no more. The Undertaker came up in a time when men were men. You could take the business serious when he was around. It wasn’t like it is now, what with these flips and Canadian destroyers and super-kicks. People didn’t just stand there like assholes before taking some move off the top rope. Well, they did, but ‘Take was big and imposing, so apparently that’s fine.
And what’s with all this no selling crap?
‘Take did it, but he was a zombie, for f*ck’s sakes! It made sense!
It was just more believable, when a guy who drew power from his urn and shot lightning bolts out of his fingers was in the ring.
What This Says About You:
There’s a good chance you’ve been buried alive by the nostalgia monster (which isn’t necessarily bad news, since you can always come back to life).
If you believe that the business was somehow more credible when the Undertaker was around, you are susceptible to the misinformation crisis that is sweeping the globe. You’re slipping away. Your family is worried about you. Come out from under the rabbit hole. You are loved by those closest to you.
8. Kane
The Wrestler:
Kane was boring, never had a good gimmick-less singles match, and was involved in many, many storylines that you wouldn’t or shouldn’t want to watch in front of your family.
What This Says About You:
At least pick the Undertaker, Christ.
7. Will Ospreay
The Wrestler:
Will Ospreay is responsible for the most loud and exhilarating big matches in wrestling today. A man who can do it all - some would argue that he flexes this too often, and could do with scaling it back - Ospreay is, nonetheless, almost undeniably great at something. Even if you think he sucks sh*t, he still does it harder than an aeroplane toilet. The force with which he throws himself onto the canvas,, Jesus Christ.
He might be the most physically gifted professional wrestler ever.
What This Says About You:
You like maximalist drama, and aren’t huge on subtlety. You like DragonForce, you’re more likely to play Devil May Cry 5 than Balatro, you’d heard that Heat was a great action flick but they don’t half talk a lot first, don’t they?
You might also be incredibly intense and even off-putting in your personal life. Everything is a big deal.
Calm down a bit, bruv!
The good news is that you might be capable of introspection, and thus change. Most people aren’t.
6. Cody Rhodes
The Wrestler:
The best babyface of the century, Cody Rhodes also told the best story. They might call you mid. They might never fancy you. They might even express shock that you think you’re better than you. Doesn’t everybody think that?
But if you’re savvy enough, intelligent enough, charming enough, hard-working enough, bold enough, and get the all-important timing right - if you believe in that dream - you can reach the mountaintop.
Cody did precisely that by both leaving and re-entering WWE at the perfect times, equipping himself with the know-how to get over as the biggest star in the world.
What This Says About You:
You’re a youngster who is learning what it means to root for a hero. A life of wrestling fandom awaits. In no time at all, you’ll be calling Paul Levesque worse than sh*t for not pushing your favourites. Or - and there’s nothing wrong with this! - you’re a casual whose love of the game has been re-energised by pure, incandescent star power.
That’s all well and good, but to take things in a darker direction, you might gravitate towards Cody because he’s ruthlessly ambitious. You might, eurgh, be a middle manager. You might step on everybody you’ve ever known in order to get your way. You might flaunt your wealth without even realising that people don’t have as much and might resent you for it.
5. Roman Reigns
The Wrestler:
Roman Reigns is the man with aura. He is the G.O.A.T. who operates at “levels” above everybody else. Sports entertainment’s preeminent auteur, even those lean towards the wrestling side of the wrestling business cannot in good faith deny that he has an incredible 2.99 kick-out on him.
What This Says About You:
You might like the Bloodline even more than WWE itself, which is bizarre, but looking at X, this is a thing. Some Bloodline stans actually resent Cody as the WWE champion, even though he’s brilliant. Some of these guys are so Bloodline-obsessed that they campaigned for Roman to break Bruno Sammartino’s record reign with the top prize.
You are a big proponent of “story” and more pertinently “cinema”. Now, this might mean that you are an avid fan of the arthouse, a 35mm print snob. Your favourite film could well be Persona by Ingmar Bergman.
Or you might just like a big dollop of exposition and melodrama with, or in place of, actual wrestling, and think Kurasawa is just another guy from New Japan who doesn’t know how to sell.
4. Triple H
The Wrestler:
Triple H is the King of Kings, the Cerebral Assassin, the Man Who Invariably Goes Too Long At WrestleMania. A legend…according to WWE, there are few more polarising wrestlers than Trips. Was he an all-time great, or was he only consistently great in 2000? Do his methodical matches make the little things mean more, or is he just boring?
What This Says About You:
As a fan of Triple H, it is almost certain that you are a WWE homer. He is the face of the era over which he presides, and is marketed as a company legend. This means that you hate AEW, passionately, and especially their flippy spot monkey wrestlers. You do however like Dragon Lee. And Andrade (who Tony Khan fumbled). And Nathan Frazer. And Axiom. And the Motor City Machine Guns. And Johnny Gargano. And…
Much like Triple H, you take absolutely ages to do anything. Potentially good news for your romantic partner, this - provided you haven’t put any potential mates off with your smug attempts to “rizz” them up.
3. Shawn Michaels
The Wrestler:
Shawn Michaels was the big match specialist across no less than two WWE decades. As dynamic as any wrestler ever, Michaels was obscenely good as a heel. His exquisite d*ckhead face, his light switch of a flat back bump, his sometimes literal ass-showing: the man was electrifying.
What This Says About You:
You might - might! - be a bit of a hypocrite. Sorry about that. A lot of the people who adore Shawn Michaels are somehow resistant to the idea that Will Ospreay is a bad version of him, or outright bad. It’s a strange one; at the time, people thought Shawn did too much and couldn’t be taken seriously as a tough guy. And yet, in 2024, people go on about Shawn Michaels like he’s Lou Thesz.
Shawn also pissed off a lot of people in the 1990s. Hardcore fans of his might not even know that they’re being the asshole in a fraught situation. “What’s the big deal, why’s everybody acting like this?”, they might say, as they turn up late for a holiday dinner and didn’t bring so much as a yam.
2. Bret Hart
The Wrestler:
An immaculate technician and storyteller, Bret was your gateway wrestler. He was never a huge draw (despite being a hero in Canada and Europe, a guy who took it seriously and somebody you could look up to y’know). He was however wrestling’s most effective dealer. He hooked those who stuck around after Hulkamania for life.
The Best There Ever Was, The Best There Is - but The Best There Ever Will Be…?
What This Says About You:
You know your way around a grudge. If somebody stood too close to you and breathed too heavily on public transport a decade ago, this still pisses you off.
You have exceptional taste. Bret’s work is more timeless than most, but you still might look backwards a little too often. The present isn’t so bad. You can do this. The past wasn’t automatically better, necessarily: Arctic Monkeys are better than Shed Seven, Breath of the Wild is better than Ocarina of Time, and Bryan Danielson is better than Bret.
1. Akira Taue
The Wrestler:
Akira Taue was a superb bully bastard who boasted immense power, but was just clunky enough with his movement - feature, not bug! - to effectively play heel against the technically immaculate Mistuharu Misawa. Taue, historically, was considered the least great ‘Pillar’ underneath the fireball Kenta Kobashi and the violent thug Toshiaki Kawada.
What This Says About You:
If Akira Taue is your favourite wrestler, you probably secretly enjoy watching Will Ospreay matches but are too afraid to admit it publicly, in case you are accused of not “knowing ball” by the other insufferable hipsters. You are a contrarian, desperate for other people to know that you are better and cleverer than them. Oh, you like Herediary? I think you’ll find that the 1981 film Possession is an altogether less affected portrayal of the descent into psychosis.