WWE WrestleMania 34: Predicting The Quality Of All 14 Matches
NOLA > BOLA.
If its vast potential is reached, WrestleMania 34 is a surefire contender for the greatest edition ever. Its history is illustrious, but not definitive - nor unbeatable.
WrestleMania XIX boasted a stacked roster of megastars living up to their legends...and Triple H taking 23 seconds to pour the last grain of soil over Booker T's head. WrestleMania XXX provided fans with the realisation of Daniel Bryan's impossible, impeccably-wrestled dream...and the memory of a concussed Undertaker depressing everybody. WrestleMania X presented two influential, stonewall classics among the very best ever wrestled...and a 15 minute Lex Luger Vs. Yokozuna match.
Even noted Japanophile Dave Meltzer has stated that, if marooned on a desert island with a working TV, he would take WrestleMania X-Seven with him. As would most fans: the spectacular stadium backdrop; the electric in-ring action; the sheer tonal range of the bloody thing, from affectionate nostalgia to furniture-based ultra-violence to vicious technicality to the epitome of the vintage, bloody Attitude Era brawl: this was an anthology of sports entertainment condensed into four fantastic hours.
You suspect, though, that he'd skip through what was, in retrospect, an undercard ranging from tedious (the six-man tag in the second match slot) to disappointing (Chris Jericho Vs. William Regal in the opener).
If its vast potential is reached, WrestleMania 34 may yet equal X-Seven, at least if measured by the median.
If...
14. KICKOFF: Women's WrestleMania Battle Royal
Unlike the men's equivalent named after a figure who wasn't sponsor-triggering problematic (documented racism notwithstanding), there is a genuine story worthy of investment underpinning the Women's WrestleMania Battle Royal: the ongoing dispute between Sasha Banks and Bayley which, despite the halfhearted efforts of RAW creative, remains gripping for those with fond memories of their seminal 2015 programme.
There is scope for some interesting moments - Four Horsewomen interplay, Carmella's comedy cowardice, even an unintentionally funny "tense" standoff between two groups, Absolution and the Riott Squad, that nobody cares about - but it is a consolation prize masquerading as a wrestling match.
Much like the Women's Royal Rumble match, much of the allure is concentrated on the participants, and how many women will participate in it. At time of writing, 11 are confirmed, which is virtually the entire roster across RAW and SmackDown. Worryingly, the Absolution duo only a Maffew could love are at this point more experienced on the big stage than some of the prospective NXT filler entrants.
A car crash similar to the tentative-at-best opening third of the Rumble awaits.
Predicted Star Rating: *1/2