WWE WrestleMania 34: Predicting The Quality Of All 14 Matches

13. KICKOFF: André The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Aj Styles Shinsuke Nakamura Wwe
WWE.com

WWE spent an absolute bloody age luring Matt Hardy back to the company specifically to monetise his BROKEN universe, which belatedly begat an interminable 50/50 feud comedy with Bray Wyatt only Hardy himself laughed at.

When WWE finally got it right, with the Ultimate Deletion, Vince McMahon detached himself from the property by apologising to his public for broadcasting it. For the lower reaches of the roster, the Road to WrestleMania leads to the André The Giant Memorial Battle Royal - even for performers who headline the flagship TV show mere weeks ahead of it. This turn of events is as bizarre as the character himself, around whom this year's match has been built.

Reductively, it's the André The Giant Memorial Battle Royal, the opening half of which at least is a boring and indistinguishable flesh wall of sadly ironic anonymity. At time of writing, there isn't even a breakthrough act within the field, not that winning it represents a breakthrough, which is precisely the problem. It's a match that doesn't matter wrestled by talents we've been conditioned to not take seriously.

These things tend to provide half-decent comedy spots and a dramatic finish as the field thins out, but since only a thin crowd will take it in...

Predicted Star Rating: **

Contributor
Contributor

Michael Sidgwick is an editor, writer and podcaster for WhatCulture Wrestling. With over seven years of experience in wrestling analysis, Michael was published in the influential institution that was Power Slam magazine, and specialises in providing insights into All Elite Wrestling - so much so that he wrote a book about the subject. You can order Becoming All Elite: The Rise Of AEW on Amazon. Possessing a deep knowledge also of WWE, WCW, ECW and New Japan Pro Wrestling, Michael’s work has been publicly praised by former AEW World Champions Kenny Omega and MJF, and surefire Undisputed WWE Universal Champion Cody Rhodes. When he isn’t putting your finger on why things are the way they are in the endlessly fascinating world of professional wrestling, Michael wraps his own around a hand grinder to explore the world of specialty coffee. Follow Michael on X (formerly known as Twitter) @MSidgwick for more!