10 Bad Films That You Absolutely Must See

7. 9 Deaths Of The Ninja

With its pre-credits action sequence, ‘epic’ theme song and flamboyant villains with silly names, as well as an appearance by Octopussy’s Vijay Amritraj, 9 Deaths thinks it’s a James Bond movie, an ambition that’s derailed by saucer-eyed overacting, a supporting turn from Brent Huff (remember him in The Perils Of Gwendoline? Didn’t think so) and way too many unintentional laughs.

The problem with Moore-era Bonds was they often flirted with camp, what with all those comic strip villains and starlets named Chew Mee, but at least Roger’s smirk let you know the filmmakers were in on the joke. Here it’s hard to tell. There’s dwarf henchmen, naked female assassins, a villain that can catch a bullet, plus characters named Honey Hump and Madame Woo Pee, but it’s too earnest for it to be intentional.

Then there’s Blackie Dammett as Alby The Cruel, a wheelchair-bound Nazi in the Dr Strangelove mould, who when he can’t light his cigarette spits it out and shoots at it. You know Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Anthony Kiedis has watched this scene, if only to check out his dad’s acting.