10 Baffling Decisions That RUINED Artemis Fowl

10. It Takes Itself Too Seriously

First and foremost, we need to address the film's most obvious flaw: its bizarrely serious tone.

Artemis Fowl, the book, is the story of a twelve year-old criminal mastermind who kidnaps a fairy soldier of the LEP-Recon Division in order to steal a big pot of gold. It's over-the-top, it's silly, and it's a whole lot of fun: three important aspects of a good children's story.

Artemis Fowl, the movie, did not get this memo. It dilutes all of its over-the-top-ness down to a dull, ugly, "grounded" version of fantasy. Nobody involved seems to realise how silly everything is, playing everything completely straight without a hint of self-awareness. And if you're looking for fun, there is simply none to be found in its scant ninety-minute runtime.

Except for maybe Colin Farrell, whose dead eyes scream "I don't want to be here!", nobody seems to realise that they're making a bad film. You've got to hand it to the cast and crew, they are trying so hard to make the whole thing work. Unfortunately, the material they've been given just isn't workable. It would be embarrassing if it wasn't so sad.