Out of the 7 billion of us that scuttle on this orb and try our hardest to mess it all up, or just watch videos of cats doing silly things, there is one person who killed Osama Bin Laden. And we will never know who. Unless we imagine its perennial funnyman Rob Riggle, and he just cant keep a secret. Robs higher ups tell him he cannot tell anyone about his heroic duties that fateful night in Abbottabad, but does Rob listen? Hell to the no, as some rap artists might say. He tells everyone in town. And his boss Lt. William K. Terwilleger (as I named him in my head) is not happy. Imagine the hilarious pickles Rob could encounter. His wife could call him a coward and hed have to bite his tongue. His buddies could laugh at his feminine throwing of a baseball while he seethes. And then he explodes and tells everyone in the bar. Suddenly hes celebrated and it feels good. But just wait until his bosses find out. Am I right?!