In a moment of self-doubt, Luke Wilson admits to his brothers that he used to work for the President of the United States as a bodyguard, until that one fateful night where he's at a play with President Lincoln and, against Lincoln's wishes, heads out for a bathroom break. On the way out, Wilson comes across the actor John Wilkes Booth and, starstruck, directs him to Lincoln in case he wants to say hello. As Luke's taking a dump, the fateful shots ring out, and the rest, of course, is history. Sure, it's distasteful, but it is kinda funny.