You may think that it will be difficult to be a film snob. You may think that maintaining an attitude of unrelenting condescension and arrogance will be hard to maintain. You may even think that being a film snob will require extensive knowledge of films and cinema history. But nothing could be further from the truth! With just these five simple steps, you can be a film snob that irritates and baffles anyone unfortunate to be trapped in an oxygen-sharing vicinity with you! Lets begin.
Step 1. Bully the Conversation
After a movie ends, you will most likely want to discuss it with your friends. Often, the discussions can be as entertaining and enlightening as anything in the movie itself. All kinds of crazy theories and interpretations can get thrown out for discussion. Now, you may think that a good conversation entails listening as much as contributing, that all opinions are equal and valid, and that everyone deserves a chance to speak their piece and be taken seriously. WRONG. The important thing is to make sure that you (YOU YOU YOU) have the first, last and loudest say. Insist upon your own reading of the film, no matter how far-fetched. If someone brings up a new detail or scene, IMMEDIATELY drag the focus back to yourself by going on at length about how this new detail ALSO fits into your reading. Remember, you are a special and unique snowflake that is also smarter and better smelling than everyone else. Your opinion is just that much more important.
Often you will have some wild theory or bizarre reading of the movie that the others may be quick to dismiss. Maybe youll say that Die Hard is a metaphor for the British incursion into Washington DC during the War of 1812, or that Star Wars is actually a rumination upon the amorality of a pantheistic universe devoid of any ruling belief system.
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Now, there may come a time where even YOU begin to think that this reading may actually be really stupid and total bull-pucky. At this point, you may have the inclination to laugh off your original mistaken idea and sit back and let other people put out their own ideas. WRONG. Never ever admit defeat, or allow other people to have a fair say. Keep bludgeoning them with your voice until everyone finally just says screw it and leaves you to wallow in your own solipsistic idiocy. Everyone getting fed up and leaving means you win at talking.