Well, the show's over, Seth MacFarlane hasn't been taken out in a freak accident/drone strike, and The Academy realizes how not nominating Ben Affleck was probably a bad idea. We've made it through another Oscar ceremony unscathed, everyone! While the show wasn't the disaster most thought it would have been, it's times like these that we should really reflect and wonder, "What can we do better?" Last night's show was far perfect, and as good as it was there are still some things the Academy needs to take into account before planning next year's show. Look, Oscar, baby, I love you! You're the Annette Bening to my Warren Beatty, the Kurt Russell to my Goldie Hawn, the Chris Brown to my Rhianna...ok, bad analogy, but if you let it slide on the telecast you'll have no problem if I use it against you. (Too soon?) If you're going to keep up with the market, there are some changes that have to be made, and I'm not talking about a facelift either. Oscar's cheekbones are already a little too showy, if you ask me. As your agent, I have here 10 suggestions as to what can be done to make the 2014 Oscars better than the 2013 Oscars! So you can either read these and learn, or not and fail. Just a suggestion, what do I know? I voted for Saving Private Ryan, and that was clearly inferior to Shakespeare in Love. (Oh, if Sarcasm had a font...)
10. Trim/Improve the Musical Numbers
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Right off the bat, the problem with the Oscars is that they love to use too many indulgent musical numbers. In all fairness, I love a good opening where the host can do a little soft-shoe and get the audience to laugh with a song or two. That is always welcome as it' s been a tradition that most modern audiences remember from the king of recent Oscars past, Billy Crystal. Seth MacFarlane, the Song and Dance man that he is, played to those strengths quite well and it paid off for the most part, particularly that High Hopes number with Joseph Gordon Levitt and Daniel Radcliffe. However, the musical "tribute" to...well, musicals, was ridiculous. The show's already long enough, but we're supposed to sit through unnecessary performances from past winners? What happened to the Acrobats making shadow puppets of the nominated films? Or Cirque Du Soleil performing a movie themed set? This can automatically trim the run time down a good half hour/45 minutes or so, and keeps the night sailing high. (Also, never EVER pull a "Here's To The Losers" again.)