So, you've done it. You've kicked the bread bucket. Quit cake. Sacked sugar. Flushed flour (and now your toilet's clogged but it was WORTH IT). You've canned carbs and you couldn't be prouder of yourself. You're going to lose weight and get, like, proper stacked. No more bloating or post-lunch pasta-snoozes. No after work chippy runs or Ben & Jerry's sponsored "just the tub and a spoon thanks" evenings in front of the telly. It'll be protein and getting laid for you from here on out because you have joined the ranks of the healthy. And you have literally never felt better. Why else would you be smiling as hard as you can as you refuse the biscuit offered to you with your tea? You are extremely pleased with your new lifestyle. Can't people tell that by how maniacally you laugh when they suggest you might want to share a starter at dinner? You have never enjoyed food more. Isn't that obvious by the furious yelling you did at your mum after she offered you a piece of bread to dunk in your soup? YOU ARE SO MUCH HAPPIER NOW AND YOU THINK EVERYONE SHOULD GO LOW-CARB BECAUSE IT FEELS AMAZING. Might be protesting too much there buddy. Here are a few more lies you'll be telling yourself when you cut the carbs.