Ahh, nature. Isn't it beautiful ... and utterly terrifying? I mean, there's a reason we've all chosen to live in houses with central heating, refrigerators and a notable lack of sloth bears. It's scary out there. Mother Nature is a fickle mistress who could choose to make or break a picnic with the judicious application of rainbows or wasps and could wring the last drops of life from your body with nothing more than the passage of time and relative distance from the nearest drinks dispenser. You could meet your doom at the hand of an animal, vegetable, mineral or something in between. Alternatively, weather, time and your own stupidity will probably do it for you in the end. The sheer multitude of ways in which Mother Nature will f**k you up would keep us here all night, so here are just a few choice cuts from the smörgåsbord of f**k-uppery that Old Mama Nature has up her sleeves.
12. Animal: Jaguar
Big cats are pretty adorable when looking at pictures of them on the internet. However, getting within 10 feet of one in real life will set off a series of survival instincts that tell you to get far away as quickly as possible. You should listen to these instincts. Most big cats kill their prey by strangulation and asphyxiation, clamping their jaws around the throat and crushing the windpipe. Not exactly a nice day out, but still not as horrifying as what a Jaguar will do to you. Jaguars don't bother with any of that, instead, this relatively small big cat will just bite straight through your skull instead. The bite force of a jaguar is such that it can slide its teeth straight through the skull of a caiman, piercing the brain and causing instant death. Even if you happen to be particularly thick-skulled (as you may well be if you're approaching a jaguar), the jag-man gets around this by simply sinking its fangs into your ears and skewering your brain that way. Fun Fact: Jaguars are especially attracted by the scent of Obsession for Men by Calvin Klein. They reckon this is due to the fact that it contains civetone and vanilla extract which resembles their territory-marking scent. So, if you don't fancy getting your skull lodged in the back teeth of a jaguar, go easy on the cologne.