This sounds like the War of Roses for children, but it's not. It's much more stupid than that. Growing up, the Battle of Flowers felt like the most natural thing in the world. Every year, on one Summer's Day, all of the island's 12 parishes parade the floats decorated with flowers that they've spent months building. Up down Jersey's main coastal road they go, people walking and dancing around them, dressed up in on-theme costumes for each float. There's a fair, and a special nighttime parade of the floats, and fireworks, and they crown a local woman as Miss Battle and she rides one of the special floats and waves at people, and they hire male celebrities to come down and be Mr Battle, like Gareth Gates or Jimmy Saville. And the first battle was over 100 years ago. It's a big deal, ok. Stop laughing. Let us build things with flowers. It gives people a purpose in life. Everything dies, even flowers, so let's build a dragon out of things that smell nice and have a party. And if you don't like it, guess what, you're NOT INVITED.