5 Stages I Went Through After A Terminal Diagnosis

5. Denial. Not Just A River In Egypt.

My denial formed itself into total and utter refusal to accept the status quo. I don't mean that I chose to rock back and forth in a corner lamenting my life. No, I left the hospital and went to the pub and played pool with some mates then I went home.

I didn't tell anyone including my wife, I didn't cry or go to church looking for salvation. I didn't do anything unusual and I awoke the next day and got some work done and had lunch. In fact I didn't go back to the hospital for my follow up, didn't finish my treatment at that time (including the lovely chemo, which is definitely worse then people tell you).

My denial manifested itself into complete and deliberate ignorance of my plight. It was like the last few days just didn't exist and that my doctor delivering the news was on some TV soap. The god-awful situation was always there mind you, gnawing at me, pleading with me to do... something; scream, shout, wail like a baby but I did none.

It's quite the most remarkable feeling, denial. Absolute refusal to accept something so significant despite being very consciously aware of it. I just tabled it for another day.

It was future Vynny's problem and present day Vynny went about his business as usual.