Team Performance: People might be surprised to see Chelsea so low on this list (though it's still higher than they are in the actual league table right now, did we mention that yet?) but some of their natural charms are let down by their proximity to Jose Mourinho AKA Evil Personified. Also, they all have alarmingly white teeth. A bleaching Groupon perhaps? Best Individual Performance: Despite Oscar's modelling campaigns and Willian's impressive cheekbones, top honours go to Cesc Fabregas. It's no mean feat choosing an elbow tattoo- it has to look good stretched and bent- but Cesc's is really first rate.