"You what? No turkey? You f*cking idiot, Jeremy! You total f*cking idiot! That was YOUR job, you f*cking moron! You cretin! YOU'RE A F*CKHEAD! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE! A F*CKING SH*THEAD!" 'Tis the season to yell at your flatmate... until he tells you it was just a festive joke. After all, embarking on a foul-mouthed diatribe before you've even changed out of your pyjamas is what Christmas is all about. On this particular occasion, it transpired that the food on the table was far less antagonistic than the people in the chairs. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la...