First Appearance: "Homer's Odyssey," Season 1. Jasper Beardly is Grandpa's best friend, living in the same Springfield Retirement Castle as Abe. The two even attempted to dodge the draft together, disguising themselves as women's professional baseball players in Springfield. Jasper has a multitude of sicknesses, illness, and general old-man calamities. He's going blind; he's lost a leg; he's diabetic; and he has to take a lot of different pills (and taking them out-of-order causes long, fluffy white hair to cover his entire body like a billy goat.) Funniest Moment: During the Springfield Elementary teacher's strike, Jasper substituted for Miss Hoover in Lisa's second grade class. Jasper: "Talking out of turn? That's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window? That's a paddlin'. Staring at my sandals? That's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe? Oh, you better believe that's a paddlin'."