Star Trek: 10 Worlds You Will NEVER Visit
Book your two days and two nights elsewhere, as these worlds are no captain's holiday!
In our last article and documentary quality video, the Galaxy Truth Network's ever dapper Thomas C. Drexler exposed the troubling truth behind Starfleet training practices. Now, GTN is back with a report so explosive it makes a supernova look like an amateur antimatter fireworks display. We can reveal that journalist and truth-lover Shaun Blass has been on an undercover assignment to investigate shocking revelations contained within teraquads of previously unseen Starfleet documents leaked to GTN by a source high-up at Federation Headquarters — a dynamite dossier we have dubbed the 'Presidio Papers'.
We gave Blass a retrofit class II shuttle, a set of wigs, and four aliases — Baals Shuns, Buns Hassal, Bush Nasals, and my personal favourite, Alissa Bushman. His mission? To expose places and planets Starfleet and the Federation don't think you should know about, let alone visit. The smell was mighty powerful when we opened up the shuttle doors upon his return, but that's the scent of solid journalism! Did we have to remove any butt bugs? You decide!
Whilst Blass recovers in a holodeck recreation of Casperia Prime, let's take a look at what he discovered during his trip to far-flung nooks and crannies of the galaxy — corners of the cosmos YOU will NEVER see.
10. Pakled Planet
You might not have wanted to visit Pakled Planet in the first place unless you liked rotten mushfroot and being constantly mistaken for Captain Janeway. You'll have to 'make it go' somewhere else, because 20 years ago the Pakled deliberately blew up their homeworld by planting a Varuvian bomb in the capital 'Big, Strong City'.
The pea-brained Pakled — one of whom once mistook an airlock for a toilet and flushed himself out into space — also managed to frame Starfleet Captain Carol Freeman for the bombing. One energetic, colourfully haired officer who would like to remain anonymous told Shaun Blass that Freeman was perp-walked before her crew upon her arrest! Those dopes at the FNN even broadcast the clearly faked footage that 'showed Freeman placing the bomb'.
Documents from Freeman's trial indicate that the doctored images were the work of a notorious forger working for the Pakleds. Why destroy their own homeworld? To get the Federation to move them to "a more resource-rich planet". Freeman was cleared of all charges, but not before three ensigns stole a replica of the Phoenix, followed by the impounded USS Cerritos to come to her rescue, as Bozeman, Montana tourism files and information from Earth drydock computers for the year 2381 show.