10 Awesome Wrestling Insults That Nobody Ever Talks About
In which Ric Flair shares the same stage with Natalya (!)
Let's analyse, in depth and in good faith, Seth Rollins' catastrophic "Sparklecrotch" promo of October 17, 2016.
"You know Chris, if you're gonna put something on that list, why don't you start with that terrible scarf of yours? While I'm lookin' at ya, you can add those rinky-dink tattoos on there, your tacky little haircut, your creepy moustache - and how 'bout those trunks, Sparklecrotch?"
It was funny because Chris Jericho looked gay, you see?
That's it. That's the analysis.
It's not as if Rollins himself is a blank-trunks bruiser in the mould of a Stan Hansen or a Steve Austin. Rollins once wore sparkly gold at WrestleMania. This sh*t wasn't even in character, but because it was "such good sh*t," it was interchangeably applied to Seth Rollins on this particular night. Virtually any of Chris Jericho's babyface opponents could have delivered that material, and, since Dean Ambrose earlier that year had ripped on Jericho's scarf - "What's up with that scarf, dude?" - virtually all of his opponents did.
This was typical of WWE's modern approach, in which the most cutting insults are delivered not by the talents but the jaded fanbase. And yet, somehow, alongside a pantheon of B-side classics lost to the Greatest Hits of legends, one scripted PG line does materialise here...
10. CM Punk Checkmates Wrestling's Best Ever Chess Player
Triple H is a divisive performer with a complicated legacy blah blah blah, f*ck that, he wrestles for 25 minutes when he shouldn't be wrestling at all.
When WWE claimed that Super ShowDown was equivalent to or perhaps exceeds WrestleMania, perhaps they were referring to the deathly silent crowd reaction that greeted his interminable epics against his old Evolution stablemates. That's a subjective take, but surely, most can unanimously agree that Triple H is a defensive and insecure performer. He doesn't much like getting upstaged because deep down, underneath the the motorcycle c*ck extension thrones, he knows that he was the Attitude Era's B+ Player.
CM Punk knew this, and despite his own sense of self-worth, had far more of a sense of humour about him. And so, when the two men traded barbs in the Utter Bullsh*t 2011 Summer of Punk, he used self-deprecating charm to get one over on Trips, knowing full well that his opponent had nothing packed in that particular chamber.
"How did your movie do, by the way?" Triple H asked.
"Oh, mine went straight to DVD, just like yours."
An insincere look crept over Triple H's face, knowing that Punk was better at him at this goalpost-moving stuff. It was a loaded expression, because he hadn't just lost a battle of wits: Punk treated his movie shoot as a vacation from the grind, and Triple H treated his as a bid to become The Rock's musclebound, wise-cracking successor.