10 Candidates For WWE’s Bizarre Post-WrestleMania 35 Push
Why not, pal?!
'Pin the push on the jobber' season has started early in 2018; usually a grand post-WrestleMania tradition, WWE, seemingly desperate to promise every performer a new arc in the face of imminent competition, has sort of already done this.
We write sort of, because Mojo Rawley is sort of not getting a push, but sort of just ranting and raving about proving folk wrong in backstage segments. He's starting with the man in the mirror - is taking the advice of Michael Jackson instead of Vince McMahon better or worse for one's career prospects? - but it's asking a lot of WWE to actually make that change. There's a very good chance that Mojo finds himself staring at something else in about three weeks: the wall in catering, as he asks himself what the f*ck just happened to his career.
That's a cynical take, but just consider the other, recent recipients of this out-of-nowhere, we-should-probably-do-something-with-this-guy-we're-paying-six figures mini-push. In 2016, WWE promised to make Darren Young great again, inviting the inevitable 'Since when was Darren Young great?' murmurs. Which would have been fine, if that was the heat, but he was in fact the Bob Backlund-mentored babyface we definitely knew we didn't want. 2016 also bestowed upon on us the repackaged Shining Stars tandem. What a sh*tty gimmick that was. That's it. That's the insight.
2017, meanwhile, saw Jinder Mahal win the WWE Championship.
So that could happen, two years later, for *give me the blindfold, pal*...
10. Luke Gallows
Christ knows how Vince McMahon's infantilised, increasingly unhinged mind works.
He is a fascinating subject for the armchair psychologist, for his output runs the wild gamut of inspired genius all the way down to f*ck off, Vince, why have I spent 28 years of my life putting up your bullsh*t.
Complex but also searingly predictable in its simplicity, his mind is a paradox. We are firmly aware of one thing for certain: Vince likes big men. He is interested, as his enraptured WBF Body Stars ad once ran, in bodies, and most pressingly, what makes them look so good. Perhaps Vince, in his Titan Towers office, adjusts his office chair so that the seat is as close to the ground as possible. He then orders the undercard rank and file into his office and surveys them from this position, for an approximation of that old André The Giant camera angle. The performer it takes him the longest amount of time to look at is then rewarded with a new entrance theme, and a few wins over Curt Hawkins.
Luke Gallows is tall. He will do.
"What do we do with Karl Anderson?"
"Who?"
"OK. Gallows is a funny dude, actually, this could work."
"I'm not paying him to think!"