10 Expectations Vs. Reality For WWE Royal Rumble 2021

5. The Winner Of The WWE Championship Match Is...

(Alternate) Expectation:

Not Goldberg, surely.

WWE can't pin a new star clean in the middle to get eyeballs on WrestleMania again. Goldberg can't headbutt a locker. He can't wheeze as he steps through the ropes. He can't apply a kneebar as if he's doing the Oops Upside Your Head dance at his Aunt Sharon's 40th. He can't narrowly avoid compressing Drew's spine with the glorified hip toss he calls a Jackhammer these days.

Besides which, Drew McIntyre is over. He's not The Fiend. He is really great in the role as a shredded, jocular badass. His certain victory in this big box office match has to have been booked as a "Thank you" of sorts for carrying a piss-poor RAW brand through a pandemic without ever hearing the adulation he so richly deserves.

Spear.

Kick-out at 1.

Spear.

Kick-out at 2.9.

Missed Spear, don't go too fast into the ring post you daft bastard.

Claymore.

Kick out at 1.

Claymore.

Three count.

And still.

(Alternate) Reality:

Do you see shimmering lines forming in front of you? Does every noise sound muffled and distant? Do you hide behind a cave or plant when you feel threatened?

Commiserations: you are a f*cking goldfish, and as such, you won't remember that having Goldberg defeat Drew McIntyre, in another disastrous short-term booking decision, is just something WWE does.