10 Radical Ideas To Save Zack Ryder

10. Change The Damn Music

Oh, radio. Tell me everything you know.

I’ll tell you what I know, radio: In 2016, a cheesy pop song about cruising the boardwalk picking up ‘babes’ is not a theme song for a grown man, much less a grown man who needs to persuade Important People that he’s worth taking seriously.

What’s more, the ultra-confident playah of the lyric, the man looking in the mirror and liking what he sees, who could be a rock star, who’s going to wear his pants real tight (yes, those are the real lyrics): that’s not Zack Ryder in 2016. That was barely Zack Ryder in 2011 - the guy was a massive geek who wore a headband to the ring and used the word ‘bro’ more often than Vince ‘Bro’ Russo, bro.

I’m not saying replace the song with some generic sturm und drang speed metal that makes it sound like a human headache is hitting the ring - but something a little more respectable than Justin Bieber’s sloppy seconds would be just fine.

Personally, I like the idea of using The Wildhearts’ ‘Vanilla Radio’. The transition to a song that says how sh*tbox the radio is these days: that tells a story.