5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (March 29)

2. Alberto El Patron’s Very Optimistic Sales Pitch

The former Alberto Del Rio is on a mission. He wants to return to WWE, which might prove difficult for him, since he sort of called Triple H worse than sh*t upon his 2016 exit.

Specifically, in several drunken rants, Del Rio accused Head Of Talent Relations Triple H as being a “p*ssy” with a “big nose” as part of his Aron Rex “That other company” patter. That other company didn’t hand Del Rio a “live mic” because he would have drunkenly slut-shamed his girlfriend.

He recently called Trips up to apologise, according to an interview conducted by Contralona TV, but he’s probably not getting his job back. They do say that money prevails over pride in the wrestling business, but then, Alberto wasn’t a draw.

Alberto’s charm offensive didn’t stop there; he also praised John Cena for his unparalleled ability to “listen to the fans” and “how to make them cheer”. This was Alberto’s actual, lick-a*se Waylon Smithers “Boo-urns” moment.

“John Cena is one of the best wrestlers of the universe,” Patron continued. Steady on.

Completing his diatribe, Patron bemoaned the over-choreographed state of pro wrestling, which is fair enough—if it didn’t come from the guy who made his opponents cling on to the rope before he kicked them.