8 Possible Fathers Of Maria Kanellis' (Storyline) Baby
CM Spunk: Best testes in the world.
Proving once more that gustibus really isn't disputandum, Paul Heyman took charge of his first Monday Night Raw in his hastily created role as Executive Director, and WWE's higher-ups - ie, Vince McMahon - were said to be utterly delighted with the "tone" of his show.
Part of that tone's frequency was Maria Kanellis - remember her? - preventing an attack from Becky Lynch (in a wrestling match!) on account of being pregnant. News, announced to the whole audience, which caught husband Mike completely off guard.
"How can you be pregnant?" he screamed, clearly referring to a private conversation betwixt spouses and sexual health professional. Simply put, he's either soft or sterile.
Yes folks: the Attitude Era is back. Sort of.
It's refreshing that the angle asks us to suspend our disbelief for a change; after all, Mike actually fathered a child to Maria in reality this past year, something WWE haven't been shy about mentioning. Ignoring that, it's as intriguing as it is indecorous, and such an outrageous storyline demands a similarly ludicrous article.
Just who is the father of Maria's sprog, assuming it's not Becky Lynch? Let the ejaculation speculation commence!
8. Mike Kanellis
You'd think the most obvious choice for the person who impregnated Maria Kanellis would be husband, Mike. However, given the whole angle is predicated on the fact he's apparently "not man enough" to do so, his poor chap either failing to salute or his soldiers marching the wrong way, that's apparently not the case.
The only thing is... Mike did just father Maria's child in reality - something that's not exactly a tightly-held secret. Yes, it's not part of the storyline, but the fact does undermine it somewhat. We suppose virility decreases with age - but usually not in the space of nine months.
Ultimately, it could turn out that Mike was indeed the father all along, thanks to some sort of medical miracle. A boring outcome, but a wholesome one.
Probability: 5000-1