Could There Be A Way To Give WWE's Retribution A Decent Burial?
They need only break one more thing: the fourth wall.
It’s actually hilarious how bad Retribution are. Perhaps their only hope is to work that hilarity into the programme, and put this sorry chapter to bed once and for all. Just suppose that WWE see the light and admit that every negative comment made about the stable is true, and work it into the closest thing possible to a kayfabe apology... to fans and wrestlers alike.
Just suppose that the stable purposefully falter during one of their promos, dropping the bombshell that their outlandish personas were a misguided attempt from Mustafa Ali to create a credible front to his own operations. It would be a comedy angle, yes. But seeing as the whole thing has been a colossal joke anyway...
Just suppose that during the next promo Mustafa Ali cuts, with the Retribution elite shuffling awkwardly and adjusting their headgear behind him, a certain Dominik Dijakovic, suddenly yanks off his T-Bar face, snatches the microphone, and says the following:
"Okay, that's it! I can't take it in this damn mask anymore. Do you think I tapped out to Bobby Lashley because I couldn't handle the pain? No. It was because I was sick of not being able to concentrate on the match because I kept on having to hoist this thing back up my face every five seconds. Mia knows what I'm talking about, don't you, Mia! Do have any idea how stupid we feel wearing these week in week out, Mustafa? Do you really think the viewers at home didn't work out who we were the moment we cut that stupid promo about 'gutting reality?' What the hell does that even mean, anyway?
"And while we're on that, whose dumb idea was it to warp our voices and make us sound like cheap Darth Vaders from a TV Movie... and for what, like two weeks? What exactly are we meant to be? None of us have any idea. You promised to advocate us as a credible force to be reckoned with on the main WWE roster, to get our foot in the door and get us in the management's good books. Instead you had us cutting ring ropes and locking people in toilets, while we promised 'Retribution???'. We don't want 'Retribution'. We were actually happy to move up to Raw... then SmackDown... then Raw again. We're not angry at the WWE. We just want contracts so we can do our job and prove that we're worthy of title opportunities. We got nothing against The Hurt Business, either. I'd actually prefer to work for MVP instead of you.
"You made us look like teenage delinquents, we embarrass ourselves every Monday night and, God!!! Have you read the online comments??? Well, yeah of course you have, being the 'SmackDown Hacker' and all. Speaking of which, where the hell have you been, anyway? Did the plan backfire that badly that you didn't even want to admit you were in charge? Well that's GREAT leadership. No one believes a word you're saying by the way. And don't get me started on all those other goons in the balaclavas you hired. What were they supposed to be, huh? HOW MANY OF THERE ARE WE???"
*leans in and lowers voice to a low murmur.
"And you know what, Mustafa? It might have all been bearable... if it wasn't for our names... 'T-Bar'? You kidding me? 'Mace?' Did you even think to Google 'Slapjack?' This has been the worst experience of our career. I'm going back to NXT."
Dominik then shoves his T-Bar mask against Ali's chest. The others follow suit until all the Retribution masks rest in Mustafa Ali's hands. Shane Thorne- no longer Slapjack, sheepishly follows Dijakovic. Dio Maddin- no longer Mace - offers something close to an olive branch by patting Ali on the shoulder on the way out . Mia Yim pulls out her cellphone, scowls at Mustafa and says "I'm 'Reckoning' I need to say sorry to Keith."
Next comes the real fantasy booking. Mustafa realises he doesn't need to hack computers and create sinister fantasy characters to make himself look tough. He becomes a credible babyface and puts the whole horrendous project behind him.
Of course, Vince gives him all the opportunities he rightly earns, what with him being brave enough to take the fall for this crap and all.