WWE Money In The Bank 2019: Star Ratings For All 12 Matches

12. KICKOFF - Daniel Bryan & Rowan Vs. The Usos

The Usos sing insults to the tune of the Spongebob Squarepants theme now, and it is all so, so horrible.

The opening Kickoff match featuring the best wrestler in the company if not the world played out in picture-in-picture, as if the other 45 minutes didn’t exist to hawk the show. When the cameras eventually captured the best wrestler in the company if not the world, he manoeuvred Jey Uso into the path of the colossus Rowan using his mat expertise, perfecting a unique isolate-and-destroy strategy within weeks of forming the team. Rowan looked great here, in his role as a winged brick sh*thouse, but then he shrunk to a few inches in size as WWE hawked the pay-per-view again. Jey and Bryan exchanged a bruising kick battle, before Bryan recovered to trap him in the LeBell Lock at the onset of a typically terrific finishing sequence.

That 50/50 nothing-at-all-matters finish, though, f*ck.

It doesn’t matter, because Daniel Bryan is forever over and Championships are largely meaningless and it’s as if everybody has made a silent pact to still care about them selectively sometimes. As a matter of principle, this was probably bullsh*t, but who even cares, really?

This is what the malaise does. Good match though.

Star Rating: ***1/2