10 Upcoming Movies You Couldn’t Make Me Watch With A Gun To My Head

7. Fifty Shades Darker

The Film

The sequel to that mummy porn everyone for some reason went and saw (and pirated massively) in 2015. Despite realising that Christian is bad for her and is a deviant, Ana is back with him, trying to "fix" him like a big bloody idiot.

Why Not Watch It?

Aside from the fact that the story is a car crash (including Ana being an idiot and worrying that Christian will defer to behaviour that literally defines him, a professional rival with lust for Ana and a paedophile dominatrix who "turned' Christian), it's also very likely that the sequel will be just as good as the original.

Which means, obviously, that it will sit some way below Showgirls and Plan 9 From Outer Space on the ladder of film quality.

No jokes here, the first film is almost unwatchable, and not just for conventional film fans. It also didn't deliver on its promise of being "acceptable porn". It's not sexy enough, it's not dark enough and it outraged real BDSM fans the world over. Flash forward a few months and that's definitely what will be said about the sewuel too.