10 Upcoming Movies You Couldn’t Make Me Watch With A Gun To My Head

4. True Memoirs Of An International Assassin

The Film

Kevin James plays a writer mistaken for an international assassin after writing a book about an assassin that the publisher erroneously claims is a true story. Hi-jinx and hilarity inevitably ensue.

Why Not Watch It?

Are you kidding? Kevin James hasn't made a good film since Hitch, despite being an eminently likeable guy. He's been infected by the Adam Sandler disease, seemingly believing that you can make a good living out of being a chubby guy who falls over a lot. He's the next David Spade. The next Rob Schneider. And those guys probably don't even want to be them.

I can just about believe James as a UFC fighter in Here Comes The Boom, or a Zookeeper who can talk to animals, but an international best-selling author? Some things are just not believable at all.

And regardless, you know this is just going to be an exercise in roly-poly slapstick. We've seen it countless times before and by now it's gone too far to hope that James has it in him to escape the monotonous dirge. I don't know if I can watch him do it to himself any more.