7 Reasons Why Oasis Are The Worst Thing To Ever Happen To Britain

7. They're Cheerleaders For The “Real Music” Brigade

Before we start, here’s a reminder: “real music” is not a thing that exists in any way, shape or form. It is perfectly acceptable for you to dislike a particular type of music or a certain artist, but to dismiss it is as unworthy of the name “music” says more about how awful a person you are than it does about what or who you’re slagging off.

And so we come to Noel Gallagher, who is the patron saint of a group of people who can really only be accurately called The “Real Music” Brigade. You know the type. They start petitions because they don’t like a festival headliner. They complain about music these days being crap, ironically unaware that they will almost certainly have got mightily pissy when their parents told them exactly the same thing when they were younger. Their opinion on music can be summarised as “I want white dudes with guitars to continue in their utter cultural dominance forever”. Ugh.

Noel Gallagher seems to distill all these stupid crass opinions, repackage them and get lauded for it. He criticised Glastonbury for choosing Jay Z as a headliner. He doesn’t want to live in a world where Ed Sheeran can play Wembley.

He’s basically your drunk Grandad who you’re scared to be seen in public with because he might start spouting his rum opinions to anyone who’ll listen.