10 New Year’s Resolutions There’s Absolutely No Point Making

By Chris Peet /

8. Improve Your Diet

Standard. Everyone has contemplated this at some point. In fact you can€™t really consider eating anything without being terrorised into thinking you€™re somehow killing yourself with it. The ever-changing scientific research into what we trowel into our bodies has left the general public in a kind of nutritional limbo. No ordinary person really knows what€™s actually good and bad for them anymore. Which obviously begs the question of what€™s the point in caring? Mind, if you€™re the kind of idiot who thinks gorging on a kebab pizza the size of a coffee table then washing it down with a Diet Coke constitutes a step in the right direction, then you probably deserve to have searing chest pains at night. But by all means try to up your fruit and veg intake; try to drink whole litres of water every day without retching; do attempt to be one of those uninteresting people who checks the fat content on food labels when shopping. Just know that you€™ll fail. Which is something you can add to next year€™s resolutions: stop being a failure. Win win. Or fail fail, depending on which way you look at it. When You€™ll Abandon It: every other meal.