10 FIERCEST Online Wrestling Rivalries

10. David Bixenspan Vs. Bryan Alvarez

In corner stands David Bixenspan, wrestling journalism's deep-diving version of Spotlight. 'Bix' is deeply knowledgeable, fastidious in his research, and boasts compelling insights into the rotten business and immense artistry of the industry. He is also, and he must know this because he often plays coy on Twitter, the teensiest bit f*cking insufferable.

In the other stands the golden-voiced Bryan Alvarez, a now-glorified wrestling journalist who has long abandoned his old, once-superb Figure Four Weekly newsletter because he, and these are Bixenspan's words, "has the attention span of a dying goldfish and hasn’t cared about his job since the merger made it that he basically never had to give a sh*t again because Dave & the Observer’s name value would carry him forever."

Not ours: the Bryan and Vinny Show is hilarious on purpose, and Bryan and Dave Meltzer's verbal exchanges, as they take literally that which should not be taken literally, are unintentionally hilarious.

The "beef" stems from Bix's tenure writing Figure Four Weekly; he has claimed in the years since that he was demoted from this paid position and replaced by some guy who did it for a free subscription. The dynamic of it is fascinating, too; Bix is relentless in his assault, and yet Alvarez just no-sells the whole thing. All of Wrestling Twitter waits, with baited breath, for Alvarez to sound off. Bryan Alvarez is that little Yakuza guy from the Simpsons Homer just knows is going to do something good. Or, to use a more accurate Simpsons analogy:

In corner stands Frank Grimes; in the other, Homer.

Who Would Win: Alvarez, a semi-retired wrestler and first-degree black belt in Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, would absolutely smash Bix's face in. That he hasn't suggests we should receive with a degree of hypocrisy any Observer complaint that WWE doesn't pay its talent enough.