10 Outcomes If HUGE Wrestling Complaints Were Answered

What IF John Cena had turned heel?

By Michael Sidgwick /

According to the multiverse theory, there exists a universe comprised of every permutation of reality - one, for example, in which Angelo Dawkins doesn't botch the living sh*t out of that promo.

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There's a universe in which WCW still exists, having been purchased by Fusient Ventures. It is basically TNA, only even more incompetent. There's a universe in which NXT never did, but it's OK, because PWG did and they're virtually the same thing. There's a universe in which Vince McMahon is a hippy who tuts whenever people break wind in his presence and doesn't go f*cking ballistic when he gets peckish.

There's a parallel universe in which kids in high school all over North America are going f*cking apesh*t over the 12th consecutive match involving Apollo Crews and the Hurt Business. It's all over the news. The nuclear family, restored, tunes into the USA Network in a landmark broadcast to see if Crews can withstand the Full Lashley (in this universe, it's still called the Full Lashley because Vince McMahon still thinks you'd be thick enough to call him Bobby Nelson otherwise).

Yeah that theory falls apart quite easily.

But, in a parallel universe very close to our own, only with 10 key events altered, we can see what exactly would have happened, had we got what we wanted...

10. John Cena Needs To Turn Heel

The complaint:

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John Cena has spent too long as a babyface making the same corny jokes and breezing through the same comeback routine. It might seem histrionic, this, but he's literally ruining my life. He's like my bloody shadow, if my shadow had sh*t patter and couldn't properly apply an STF.

The outcome if it were answered:

Heel John Cena would have been awesome. This is inferred quite easily from his performances in the face role. Cena had a smug and generally detestable face, particularly when he conveyed aggression. At least, when he inevitably would have cruelly buried his opponents, we in this scenario are meant to think of him as a right ar*ehole, and not an intensely dedicated babyface philanthropist.

If Cena had turned heel in 2011, at SummerSlam, the show in faith of CM Punk may have changed rather a lot. Then again, perhaps not: Vince McMahon later proved that he didn't mind an incredibly oppressive heel presence dominating his shows in Brock Lesnar, and he never saw Punk nor Daniel Bryan as The Guy. Looking at who he did, turning Cena heel would have played out much like this universe did, only with less merch money.

The idea is that the heel John Cena would have created an opening for a new John Cena-sized babyface, but that isn't how WWE booked throughout the 2010s...

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