10 Things I Hate About The Royal Rumble

10. All Those Ridiculous Statistics

The other day, Cageside Seats’ beloved generalissimo Geno Mrosko put together a little list of Royal Rumble statistics. This mildly diverting infodump reminded me of the vast, steaming piles of similar statistics that Vince McMahon’s various homunculi in the WWE commentary chair squeeze out every few seconds during the Royal Rumble… and how incredibly irritating they are.

The Rumble match is a work, like military intelligence and the President’s hair. None of these statistics mean anything real - and if they do, it’s only after the fact.

I don’t give a handful of unhappy crap that more people have won from the number 27 position than any other, or that four people have won from the starting position. If those numbers have any relevance, it’s only because they noticed a pattern a while back and decided to use it as a bullsh*t talking point.

A really annoying one. Shut your hole, Michael Cole! No one cares about you and your witless trivia!