5 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (Feb 22)

5. My Chemical Aleister

Everything is so chronically, profoundly contrived on RAW. The writing and the commentary (which is in effect written) is so godd*mn hacky.

Elias said during his concert “I am going to sing a song for myself in the hope that I can slip into a deep consciousness”—and he said this purely as a means of bringing out Aleister Black so he could say, in response, “If silence and deep sleep is what you seek, then allow me to help you. For tonight, you will fade to Black.”

It is that easy to summon these people. Elias may one day strum with a bit too much force, and break a guitar string. “Sorry about that—freak accident.”

LARS SULLIVAN enters.

“Here’s a new jam, just for you. I call it “Sports Entertaining With My Baby.”

ADAM COLE enters, cupping his ear. “Did somebody say “Baby”?!” But he is simply ‘Adam’ now, so his catchphrase requires a rethink. “Adaaaaaaam, baby!”

Aleister Black, incidentally, is “moody” now, according to Michael Cole. We are weeks removed from seeing the man refuse to enter the ring because he is feeling too depressed, as Vince McMahon finally loses patience with Lars and lashes out in rib form. “The Dutch Destroyer here anxious under the strain of Jinder Mahal’s chinlock,” Cole will say, robotically.

In Aleister Black, we see a visage of composure, an unflappable warrior whose stoicism serves his ice-cold character—and which adds major drama to his matches when the fire within is invoked. Vince McMahon meanwhile sees a sullen teenager.

Vince McMahon also sees DUSTY F*CKING RHODES, because Black apparently “fights for the 9-5ers, the Blue Collars…”