10 Heroically Terrible Superpowers Writers Should Feel Embarrassed They Invented
Some can fly, some can web-swing, others can exclusively receive CB radio transmissions through their new skulls....hey, hold on a sec.
Doorman, with the power to stand against any wall and let people pass through him into the next room! Dogwelder, who welds dogs to people! Danny The Street, the transvestite sentient street who can teleport (how can a street be a transvestite? Ask Grant Morrison!), there have been a lot of goofy superpowers in the storied history of underwear pervert comics - and apparently a lot of their owners have names beginning with D, for D-list? - but usually they're created with the intention of being totally stupid. At least, I hope that was the intention of whoever came up with Dogwelder. Superhero comics have not always been so post-modern and clever, though. There was a time before the second British invasion when, presumably, editors were downing Scotch and throwing darts at a board festooned with random words/sliced up pages of original art and forming new superheroes out of the results (I've yet to read Sean Howe's Marvel Comics: The Untold Story, but I imagine the bullpen to look something like that). Some of the characters they came up with have improbably become stalwarts of their respective series; some have become running jokes; some barely seemed like superheroes at all and more like unfortunate individuals embarrassing, gruesome and redundant afflictions/party tricks. And whoever came up with them should hang their heads in shame.