If The Beatles are indeed right and ‘Happiness is a Warm Gun’, then nuclear war must be a slumber party with a full squad of sex-addicted cheerleaders. Thanks to the Cold War, mankind has a lot of nuclear weapons. Not just a lot of nuclear weapons, but a boatload of nuclear weapons. We have enough bombs and missiles to turn the sun into an inter-dimensional wormhole to unleash Yog-Sothoth and it’s basically inevitable this will happen, the first punch thrown when we elect George Bush III and he goes postal on Belgium.

And just what happens if Chuck Norris can’t roundhouse kick their entire retaliatory response from orbit and a few dozen warheads actually explode? Or if some other world-ending event happens to occur? Well, if you watch post-apocalyptic movies, you might fancy yourself some kind of a survival expert, a real John Connor or Bear Grylls even. But you’d be wrong, because all of those movies are loaded with pop culture, common consensus that in reality is nothing but fabrication.

Or as the great Confucius once said, “that’s bulls***, sucka”.

Here’s ten movie myths about the Apocalypse…

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This article was first posted on December 20, 2011