If The Beatles are indeed right and ‘Happiness is a Warm Gun’, then nuclear war must be a slumber party with a full squad of sex-addicted cheerleaders. Thanks to the Cold War, mankind has a lot of nuclear weapons. Not just a lot of nuclear weapons, but a boatload of nuclear weapons. We have enough bombs and missiles to turn the sun into an inter-dimensional wormhole to unleash Yog-Sothoth and it’s basically inevitable this will happen, the first punch thrown when we elect George Bush III and he goes postal on Belgium.
And just what happens if Chuck Norris can’t roundhouse kick their entire retaliatory response from orbit and a few dozen warheads actually explode? Or if some other world-ending event happens to occur? Well, if you watch post-apocalyptic movies, you might fancy yourself some kind of a survival expert, a real John Connor or Bear Grylls even. But you’d be wrong, because all of those movies are loaded with pop culture, common consensus that in reality is nothing but fabrication.
Or as the great Confucius once said, “that’s bulls***, sucka”.
Here’s ten movie myths about the Apocalypse…
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18 Comments
Great.
Your political bias ruins what could have been a good piece.
You’re political inflexibility ruined a perfectly good comments section.
@Brandon: Your grammar ruined what could have been a good burn.
Damnit, YOUR*
That’s devastating. Thank you for the catch.
This has to be one of the funniest whatif pieces, I have read in a long time. The post-apocalyptic “mythbuster.”
Great article
Great article. I’ve never been to this site, but you could keep me coming back, Robert. Great imagination.
Good points.
However looking at history, the Black Death wiped out about 1/3 of Europe. That allowed The Catholic Church to rise up to the power-house that it was for the next 600 years. If going with the idea that the Apocalypse will be more like the Dark Ages than the early 20th Century, with radio, printing presses, and espresso-drinking Frenchmen speaking in bad poetry, then the chances of a religion gaining popularity is actually pretty good.
Also, during more primitive times, people would gather together in their little farms and villages and protect themselves, as you describe. Then people like Mongols, Vikings, Romans, or any of the many historical raiders would show up and show them the stuff of nightmares. So the thought of a group or predatory raiders is 100% historically valid.
CFritz – Spielberg might have directed, but Lucas WROTE THE STORY.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Jones_(franchise)
CFritz – If you weren’t so busy using such intelligent insults you might have realized that although Spielberg may have directed, Lucas WROTE THE STORY.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indiana_Jones_(franchise)
A good few points made and an enjoyable read, guess my twinkie plan has gone down the drain though.
Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter…
actually canned foods can last indefinatly as long as the can is not damaged. yes they do lose there peak quality after a couple of years but they still retain most of there original quality. That saftey information is complete crap, besides that the facts are rather accurate.
If 50+% of the world is wiped out leaving enough food to feed a cardiac arrest, then who’s dashing out to loot sporting good stores in the name of baseball and grid iron? Health freaks? If there’s a Sports World of gear readily available – why not? I would at atlest wear a cup infront of a chain laced, spiky-toed boot.
In my view it’s most likely that religion, or at least spirituality would prevail in a P&P word. And its hard to compare WWI, II, Nam, or any other conflict with the arduous dramas of P&P survival. Specifically, because the nature of the two scenarios are carried out under entirely different circumstances, outcomes and expectations. As 1 example; soldiers live (relatively) secure lives, guided by specific tasks and responsibilities, & within the realm of government and politics, but importantly; with the prospect of a return to the security of a social (and political) sanctuary following their endeavour. For P&P survivors there is none of the above. Especially following a large scale nuclear holocaust, there is no endeavour, no guidance and there maybe no sense of prospect, let alone the ability to flee the circumstances. In any case, life-after-death might be all the hope one might have left; hence you would find a lean towards religious or spiritual tendency. The human mind is powerful in it’s ability to rationalise and negotiate it’s way through unfavourable circumstances. Religion and spirituality may even be instinctual following a prolonged, nomadic existence, especially a generation onward. It should also be mentioned that industrial revolutions, social and political activism, and improved education throughout the 20th century had largely contributed to rise of Atheism in today’s modern society. Much of the ground work for atheism had been established long before any notion of post modernism, and generally speaking, atheism was once perceived and pursued only by the intellectuals in a society – there’s something in that to be realised. I honestly doubt atheists would stumble from the ashes to rebuild a brave new world without religion. Do the math, and cross references with your history books.
Great article-and good research of the facts. One thing I would add, that I found interesting to learn, is that after the “nuclear winter”, when the debris settles and the sun comes out (perhaps hundreds or thousands of years, but inevitable nonetheless)the plant life that has survived will explode. Radiation affects plants differently(as you said-shorter generational gap)and so a post nuclear world would be awash in flora-huge flowers and bright green grasses and giant trees!
And that’s when the Morlocks start eating the Eloi :D