You know that strange feeling. It creeps up on you whilst you’re watching a film. A sensation you know is wrong but you can’t help it anyway. And I’m not talking about the urge to cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box and stick your todger inside so that your date can grab something more salty than the confectionary.
I am, of course, talking about movie villains that you can’t help but admire, understand, and – quite simply – will to succeed. Yes, even if it means the hero’s comedy sidekick gets killed along the way.
But not the dog. No. Not that. Never!
Now stop thinking about cutting a hole in a box of popcorn and turn the page, perv.
10. Darkness (Legend)
Darkness, like everything Rob Bottin turned his hand to in the 80s, is visually jaw-dropping. The classic red-faced, hooven ‘devil’ with a velvety deep voice that would make Barry White jealous is augmented by a bodybuilder’s physique and horns so outrageously oversized even Lady Gaga would consider them ostentatious. In short, his presence is so intimidating, realistic and – well – majestic that we cannot help but be in awe.
But beyond such superficialities is a lonely being – and who can’t empathise with that? Like Dracula, he longs to love and be loved. Like Kong he wants to adore and protect, and like Prometheus (the monster – not Ridley Scott’s attempt to rescue a flagging career) his appearance just sends everyone running to the hills.
The sight of this mighty being, who instills fear in all lifeforms, being trampled underfoot by the sulking Mia Sara is painful to behold. She gleefully accepts his couture fashions and finest jewellery yet treats his every chivalrous action with the zestful contempt usually reserved for a man convicted of beating their grandmother with a frying pan.
Darkness, like all men at some point in their lives, makes the mistake of cow-towing to a woman, either in the hope of getting her into bed, or in the hope that she’ll shut up, and getting nothing but extended fury for his troubles. He thought she’d appreciate his kindness, tenderness and desire to please. But with a high maintenance woman like that, he’d more chance of eating a tin of baked beans and farting his way to the moon.
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