10. We Don't Make Out in the Theater
The idea of smacking your lips around with our own is a foreign concept when the lights dim and the projector starts up. It's not that we find our dates unattractive or repugnant; it's simply that we didn't come see a movie to ignore it, no matter what the movie is. Even if we're not into the film itself, it's entirely possible that we might feel guilty if we don't actually sit there and watch it. You might try and fool us by buying us tickets to see the new
Ice Age, but I can assure you that you'll be greatly disappointed if you go in expecting to get some action and come out learning about which scenes had un-rendered animation. The theater is a place of respect. Like the religious with church, theater is where patrons come to adorn the work created and crafted for us, and dammit, we're going to adorn and respect it even if it's complete croshwaddle. That's not to say we'll enjoy the picture. Hey, we might even be so bored or disgusted by its contents that we walk out. But while we're in there, you would do well to keep your lips to yourself. In our minds, there's nothing romantic about traveling to a public location, sitting in a room with an enormous, lit-up screen, and ruining the theater experience for others by playing a game of tongue-choke. Just let us mosey about in our natural habitat for two hours, then you can take us home and listen to us talk about the film for another two hours.