Though we have 7 months of cinema left to go in 2013 – namely a fleet of exciting blockbusters and “prestige” pics – I can’t help but feel that the year has really dragged compared to the last few; there just haven’t been many films outside of festival fare that have blown me off my feet, as evidenced by my list of the 10 Best Movies of 2013 (so far).
As for films that outright sucked, though, the list is plentiful, far exceeding the 10 listed here, some of which aren’t just the worst of 2013, but some of the worst I have seen of the last few years. In fact, our #1 entry is easily one of the worst films that I have ever seen.
So read on and be grateful that you avoided (most of) these cinematic atrocities, and if you’ve seen them all, then you have my sympathies (and I have the number of a good therapist if you need it)…
10. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
Though a film with this title sounds impossible to take seriously, director Tommy Wirkola gives it his best effort, crafting an oddly straight-faced fantasy dud that languished on the studio shelf for around a year so that Jeremy Renner’s post-Avengers success could be exploited. Still, him and Gemma Arterton are no doubt embarrassed that the film ever came to light, given that it’s a curious mild, nonsensical, poorly directed effort that fails to make the most of its silly premise.
With its completely uninvolving story and soporific performances – aside from Famke Janssen, who tries her hardest to ham it up, apparently the only person aware of what the film’s tone should be - it’s a surprise the film was a success at all, yet it incredulously grossed almost $225m against a $50m budget. International markets have guaranteed a sequel which, I am sure, will not star the same two leads.
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