If you were to compose a list (and many people have) of the important parts of movie script, it would include things like plot, conflict, and resolution. But it would almost always also include relationships.
Relationships can certainly be defined as broadly as the relationship a character has with the audience, but more routinely that’s viewed as the relationships that characters have with each other. Sometimes that’s a best friends’ relationship or a siblings’ relationship, but in many, many movies there is a romantic relationship that is featured as central to the film’s storyline.
Obviously we have a whole genre of films described as romances, but too often there is a Hollywood element to those relationships. As much as we swoon with Satine when Ewan breaks into the first lines of “Your Song,” we’re never going to be in that situation. (I mean, seriously, how many of us are currently wooing a courtesan who is secretly dying of tuberculosis in early twentieth century Paris?) Nor will we ever recognize our situations in a Nicholas Sparks adaptation or, thanks to our son, call into a radio show and met true love at the top of the Empire State Building. Many of these movies are good, but Hollywood is prone to being grandiose and it shows as the credits roll while the lovers ride off into the sunset. In fact, I would argue that these cinematic romances actually hurt our actual love lives. We have seen the magical kiss enough times that it becomes what we want or even need. You may be in a perfectly satisfactory marriage but pretty soon your subconscious starts yelling at you that you need to find someone who is going to fill your life with lines like, “Here’s looking at you, kid.”
But the thing is life is full of real people who are really in love. And every once in a while, a filmmaker realizes that he/she doesn’t have to exaggerate to tell a compelling romantic tale. I’m highlighting three films that I think get it right. These movies are mostly just conversations, because that’s what people do. We talk with each other and through that exchange of words we determine affections; we fall in love.
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28 Comments
I’d add 500 Days of Summer.
I completely disagree with Liberal Arts. It started good but then took the left turn with the older teacher and then just randomly finding the new girl at the end and then the two are friends again? Maybe them getting together would’ve been “cliche”, a word I hate, but to have Radnor just completely abandon a relationship with a person who he clicked with so well and then remain friends seemed cheap to me. All I got out of the ending was that they were perfect together but he was too old. That seemed like the only reason they weren’t together which seems ridiculous when you have that type of connection.
Thank you, Daniel. I did enjoy (500) Days of Summer, though personally it didn’t speak to me on the same level as the three I’ve listed, though that’s the beauty of a medium as subjective as film; what one person dismisses, someone else connects with.
To address your Liberal Arts reaction, I’ll admit that finding the book store owner was a little too convenient, though I forgave Radnor by assuming it was his way of kind of fast forwarding to show that they will move on and can still be happy in other relationships (there is not just the one fish in the sea). And while, yes, Jesse and Zibby did seem perfect together save for his age, and so we, the audience are likely rooting for them to get together, I am so glad that they didn’t. For me, that moment (when he decided not to sleep with her) was part of what made the film because it felt so true. Maybe you flirt your way into a taboo relationship, but for most of us there is a moment when you step on the brakes.
What about (500) Days of Summer? I think that really highlights what it’s like to be in a relationship – dealing with differences and clashes.
Clearly I should rewatch (500) Days of Summer!
Anniversary Party is another movie that should make some list…
Thank you, Kristen. I appreciated The Anniversary Party in several ways, but also felt like it was trying to do too much. Yes, Joe and Sally’s relationship was at the center of the story, but the guests, the drugs, the sex, the arguments all felt like distractions. But, on your recommendation, perhaps I’ll take another look at Alan and Jennifer’s effort and find some more nuggets of relationship truth.
What about Revolutionary Road?? I know is an adaptation but it is a serious masterpiece. I guess you could say it would be a 50s version of Blue Valentine.
The problem I see in most of these films about couples is that one of them is a bitch/bastard and the other is a pathetic being who´s not letting go.
So Blue Valentine ends and all I can think of is that Cindy is such a bitch, poor Dean.
And so 500 days of summer ends and all I can think of is that Summer is another bitch and Tom is a sad little man that lived an idealised version of a relationship and can´t move on.
You bring up an important question, Noa. Is the realism of a story hurt when the audience sympathizes more with one person than the other? I would argue that as long as you are recognizing truth in one party, the film is still working. And I would especially defend this in the case of Blue Valentine. I’ll admit to feeling for Dean a bit more by the end, but here is an interesting point: your gender really seems to matter when watching this movie. I’ve asked everyone that I know who has seen it with which character they sympathized more by the end. In almost every case, women sided with Cindy and men sided with Dean. The filmmakers should get bonus points for managing that!
The Story of Us with Michelle Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis. I didn’t love it but it was like watching my parents on film. I had heard those fight and conversations play out in my own home growing up. I probably haven’t seen the move since it came out but at 16 years old, that seemed like an accurate portrayal of a married couple.
Jenny, I’ll admit to not having seen The Story of Us, but I have a question for you from your description of the film. Is there love in it? I feel like there could be a separate, but related, article highlighting some movies that still access interpersonal truths, but aren’t centered on romance.
Twilight
If you say so…
Okay…I’m going to get laughed out of the thread for these, but-I liked the relationship in Drive. There was an obvious connection, but the real world got in the way. I understand the whole stunt man, heist, Jewish pizza joint wasn’t in the realm of realism, but the relationship felt very real with very little dialogue. The other one is Take Shelter. It was like watching people I know from my home town-sans schizophrenia and apocalypse, but it was a couple with real problems and real issues that were hard to overcome, yet they loved each other and tried to get through it because, ultimately, they know they’re better together than they are apart.
I appreciate your comment, Bill. Certainly the thought of including Drive in this list hadn’t even crossed my mind because, as you said, there is so much else going on. While the relationship between the Driver and Irene appears to be sweet, they don’t actually have that many exchanges or share that much screen time. But I wonder if we focused exclusively on this aspect of the film if it would end up feeling as truthful as some of the other films I’ve listed. I have to say, since there really is relatively little dialog between the characters, much of the connection we see is due to the strength of Ryan Gosling and Carey Mulligan as actors (no doubt two of the best young performers in the business today). The looks they give each other, their nonverbals in each other’s presence are recognizable (and true).
That was mind of where I was going. I’ve been in some relationships where words weren’t important-we were just happy to be in each other’s company, but yes, we’re the film left to the relationship, I think it could e been a good real world coupling. Did you see Take Shelter?
I’ve actually not seen Take Shelter. I just re-watched the trailer, and while that put the emphasis on the supernatural elements and the reactions to Curtis’s decision to build the shelter, I could start to see the significance of the relationship between Curtis and Samantha. I’ll definitely check it out!
Enjoyed your reviews so much I’m now putting these movies on my Must See list.
Thank you, Brenda. I do not think you’ll be disappointed!
Yes! Totally agree with liberal Arts- but I’m surprise When Harry Met Sally was not on here- otherwise, a damn good list. There’s no grater achievement in cinema than a romance/ romantic comedy done right, of which there are sadly very few.
Thanks Oscar, especially for backing me up on Liberal Arts! You know, to me a movie like When Harry Met Sally doesn’t quite fit here because it’s too overtly comedic, but I love that you mentioned it. It reached a larger audience than any I included without falling victim to a lot of romcom cliches. For that, if nothing else, it should be celebrated.
Thanks, Xander, for creating this essay and this opportunity to dialog about movies. I appreciate very much the category of movies that get the relationship part right. The two “Before” movies are among my favorites precisely because they seem so real and often, that is what attracts me to a movie and what then lingers with me about the movie after I have left the theatre. The ordinariness is what pulls me in. As you say, often the lack of action may not cut it for many movie watchers. So, “Blue Valentine” is quite real, also. It is a heavier movie and so there was greater tension with it. I haven’t seen “Liberal Arts”.
Last night I saw “Silver Linings Playbook”. I would suggest this is a film that could land in the category about a relationship where the dialog feels real and natural and as a result the film builds because we believe that the relationship is not so different from what might be or could have been in our own lives. There is a plot – a story line – of course, but it is the relationship evolving through regular dialogue over the course of the film that makes the film so appealing to me. And, in this instance, apparently to others as it seems to be receiving lots of critical acclaim. Have you seen this film and if so, would you agree that it could fit your list of films that gets relationships right?
Greg, I look for any opportunity to dialog about movies, so thank you for accepting the invitation. I’m glad to hear that Linklater’s love stories are among your favorites, they are for me as well. I wonder, though, if the tension you mentioned in Blue Valentine turned you off somewhat.
As for Silver Linings Playbook, I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve yet to see it. Perhaps a Saint Valentine’s date night.
A movie I’ve seen recently that stuck with me was Like Crazy. That movie is incredibly personal and relatable if you’ve been in a long-distant relationship. The characters go through all the motions and all the beats of a relationship. Check it out if you haven’t!
Thanks, I just stuck Like Crazy at the top of my queue. I’m honestly not sure how that had slipped through the cracks thus far.
Chasing Amy
An interesting thought; clearly Chasing Amy has a rather specific setup (and is often intentionally comedic) that doesn’t really place it in the same realm as these other selections.
What about Take This Waltz? Seth Rogan was a little awkward in this role, and I didn’t feel a strong chemstry between he and Michelle Williams. But I thought this movie had some real truths about romantic relationships and what happens when that intial crazy-in-love-spark inevitably fades.
Fortunately, both Like Crazy and Take This Waltz are streaming on Netflix. I love that I’m getting so many movie recommendations!
I very much appreciate Michelle Williams as an actress and can easily see her shining in the role you’ve described (perhaps similar in some ways to Blue Valentine). And I’ll hope for the best from Seth.