If the 2012 summer movie season is any indication, we have finally reached a point where the new generation is actually dumber than the previous one. We might as well return to the primordial ooze and try again. This stupefying of the human race was actually helped along by the films this summer, the worst summer film season I’ve ever witnessed.
Sure, summer films of years past appealed to kids. But they weren’t dumb movies. They had internal logic, played by their own rules, were original, and contained great performances.
Think about Star Wars. It has lightsabers, Wookies, talking robots, and The Force. Still, within its context of a galaxy far, far away, the film works. The script might sound crazy, but all of the characters have motivations and operate within the laws of their world. Even fantastical summer films set on Earth, like E.T. The Extra Terrestrial, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Edward Scissorhands, or Batman Begins, all remain true to their characters and the rules set out by the script.
Not anymore. Now we can apparently just throw whatever we want at the screen, smear it busily with CG, and toss it into theaters for the texting crowds of video-game morons.
While this list is by no means comprehensive – almost all of the films this summer were awful – these are the top five dumbest.
First, the runner-ups:
RUNNER-UP #2: The Hulk can’t control when he transforms (except when he can) in The Avengers.
RUNNER-UP#1: Peter Parker creates mechanical webslingers in one day apparently using a Swatch watch and a screwdriver in The Amazing Spider-Man.
And now, onto the top five…
We are currently seeking Film contributors on WhatCulture. To find out more about the perks of being a Film contributor, click here.
127 Comments
Glad I don’t have your taste in movies. My life would be miserable.
I liked certain films this summer, like BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD or TED, for instance. I’m focusing on SUMMER MOVIES, and they almost uniformly sucked.
“Ted”? Really? You’re going to complain about great films like The Datrk Knight Rises, and Prometheus (which were both admittedly flawed), but attest to having enjoyed “Ted”? You want a self indulgent pile of crap? Look no further than Ted. I agree with Nerd, if I had your taste in movies I’d sell my DVD player.
Ted had quite a decent story. But I had much higher expectations of when seeing ted than seeing The Dictator. I for one found the story in Ted to be quite decent and heartfelt, but the majority of the comedy itself was bland as f***, regarding very few hysterical moments is just a plain fail. Family Guy is ten times better than Ted XD Not to mention I surprisingly found The Dictator to be funnier, while managing to have a very legit story line.
Hey, just wanted to add to discussion. While I agree with some ridiculous scenes in Prometheus, I really found myself enjoying the spectacle that was at least trying to be smarter than average year round moviemaking. And let me say I did not see BATTLESHIP, ALVH, or the 3 Stooges. On purpose.
Now for TDKR: I find your criticism and unwillingness to suspend disbelief for this installment strange, considering you seemed to enjoy the other 2 movies? If I’m off base my apologies! But both BB and TDK have sooooo many moments where if you weren’t trying to enjoy the movie by suspending disbelief the movies would suffer from the same conclusions you draw.
As far as summers go, this has been the best in a good three or so years. It’s not fantastic but it’s a step in the right direction.
While I won’t disagree that film generations are getting dumber, I mean Avengers was just all action, lame in your face jokes and was just for dumb kids and teenagers,
but your criticism on TDKR is lunacy, yes their are unanswered questions but who cares, use your brain to answer some of the questions, for example Wayne Manor is outside of the city limits, therefore he went into the manor, down into the cave and some Bat-gizmo got him back secretly into the city,
your complaining about the dumb generation yet you are bitching about unanswered questions that involve using your brain and a little imagination, jesus
Hey, genius … how’d did Bruce Wayne GET BACK TO GOTHAM FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY in order to do all of the things you say??
Os it hard to imagine he may have hitched a ride? Yes the Nolan batman films are based in reality, but at the end of the day it is still a film, it doesn’t have to explain every little detail, engage your dull mind a little
If you paid attention to the film, he had about 20 days to get back to Gotham from the Pit.
Bruce wayne afterall is a famous bussiness man throghout the world!Is it hard 4 him to have some frnds in other countries who helped him to get back?
Seriously, WC, you actually have writers that respond to comments in that way?
How do you know he’s friendless? He travelled around the world for years, training as Batman, gaining the skills of a ninja. Through those travels, he probably met a lot of allies along the way that could help him. It’s established that he’s highly resourceful and if given enough time (20 days is plenty, which, if you actually LISTEN TO THE MOVIE, is the amount of time is given), he could easily make it back.
Also, Bane did not outright BREAK Batman’s back. That’s just an assumption people have been making because of what happened in the (frankly inferior) Knightfall story. A part of his spine was simply dislocated. Nolan, who always pays attention to logic in his movies, knew if he outright cracked or broke his back, it would take WAY too long to recover.
Moral of the story: PAY ATTENTION AND LISTEN TO THE FILM!!!!!!
Does it matter? A few little details being missed out here and there doesn’t change the fact that the film was brilliant and was very, very enjoyable despite the odd flaw. Just because it doesn’t answer every question on screen doesn’t make it a bad film, and who knows, maybe it will be resolved on the bonus features on the dvd/blu ray??
and like some other people are saying, there were flaws in The Dark Knight, errors that people forget to mention because people don’t want to insult the film that has a dead actor, because Heath died there weren’t articles bashing The Dark Knight are there”
Anyone who thinks that TDKR is a better film than TDK is a fanboy who simply refuses to see the film for the mess it is. I definitely agree that TDK had script problems, especially in the third act. However, it was held together by stronger performances, better characterizations, and more interesting plotting.
THE DARK KNIGHT doesn’t contain idiotic moments when characters spit out obvious expository dialogue (like the ridiculous explanation for the Clean Slate program, or have characters do things without some sort of context or explanation. I can assure you that neither BATMAN BEGINS or THE DARK KNIGHT have a magical Bruce Wayne/Batman who is able to transport across great distances at will, repeatedly have his back broken without a problems, or survive a nuclear bomb blast. And the Bruce Wayne of the previous films was not such a complete moron as to trust some woman who betrayed him (nearly to his death) at least twice.
Also, are we really supposed to believe that Bruce Wayne, after risking his life and his fortune for so many years to save Gotham, would give it all up to be a hermit for eight years because of MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL????
Like I said, anyone who thinks this is the best film of the trilogy is fooling themselves completely. It’s nothing but ignorant, blind, fanboy wanking over “cool” stuff and “neat” fight scenes.
You realize that in Batman Begins, when Bruce confronts Carmine Falcone after Joe Chill’s shooting, he burns his credit cards and ID and gives all of his cash on hand to the homeless man and in the next seen he’s in China. Seriously, you’re acting like looks are the only thing that matter in a relationship. Rachel and Bruce have known each other all their lives, Bruce was genuinely in love with her. Insulting people who don’t agree with your opinion really negates your argument.
wow, bruce wayne/batman didn’t love maggie gyllenhaal, he loved the character rachel who was played by maggie gyllenhaal, what has maggie gyllenhaal have anything to do with bruce becoming a hermit or whatever,
What I don’t understand is that this film has 87% on RT yet there is a new article every day bashing it?? Where are the The Amazing Spider-Man articles or Ice Age 4 or Bourne Legacy etc,
Also every movie has flaws, give me a perfect movie
alien? shining?Seven Samurai? taxi driver? Pulp Fiction? there will be blood? vertigo? 2001? scarface? heat? Goodfellas ?The Godfather? and many many more
And I never said it was a better film, I think The Dark Knight is the best one of the 3 but only by a tiny little bit,
TDK was just a deep political Shakespeare style film that happened to have Batman in it. Batman Begins IMHO was the best because of it’s grand introduction to the character itself, not to mention carrying that realistic Nolan vibe and feel, as well as being the closest to the comics.
“Hey, genius … how’d did Bruce Wayne GET BACK TO GOTHAM FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY in order to do all of the things you say??”
He boarded a plane or took a ship back to the United States, and then used his infiltration skills to sneak into Gotham undetected.
he travelled the world for 7 years without any money, without even being Batman…and now you question him getting back to US??
@Ray DeRousse
Why is Bruce returning to Gotham so difficult for you to believe? its not like you need a bloody super power to travel from one country to another, illegal immigrants / refugees are doing exactly that everyday. Its already been established batman is well travelled; in bb he spent 7 years travelling without any money or documents, in tdk he used south Korean smugglers to get Lau from Hong Kong, so why is it so difficult for you to imagine batman being able to return to Gotham.
btw, he didn’t give up being batman because of Rachel, he did so as there was no organised crime in the city. A combination of Rachel dying, Harvey turning bad and mostly Gotham not needing batman is the reason for him becoming a complete recluse. Next time when you watch a film I suggest you use your brain as well as your eyes and ears so as not to misinterpret a film.
While I knew that TDKR would have potential in being the better film than The Avengers, I was clearly wrong. While TDKR to me is still a marvelous spectacle of a conclusion, I felt Avengers was the better film this summer. TDKR would have to be #2 on the list.
Gosh.
It is an interesting critique of TDKR. But I think the passage of time being unreliably represented is kind of a theme in the film. For example, you see Batman in the plane as the clock reaches 5-4… But it would be impossible for him to escape, unless you’re seeing a much more slowed down version of Batman’s internal debate. Batman could have had a month to get back to Gotham, he was completely isolated from the presentation of time as it is in the film. I think it is meant to be deeply ironic, and display a trope of film making, that we expect, as an audience, all of the information to be perfectly accurate. A similar thing happened in Dark Knight rises with the falling. Batman falls off a building to save rachel, and survives. He and Harvey both fall from a building, with batman gutshot, and Batman survives and Harvey Dent (spoiler) dies. A recurring visual theme that is essentially unreliable.
You don’t see him in the bat(are you seriously calling it a plane??!!). You just see him in the seat. the background is intentionally blurry.he could have ejected from the bat at some point.
Upon first viewing this one got my goat too (and I even soothed myself with the same “hey it’s based on a comic” line) but upon seeing the movie a second time I noticed that IN THAT TIME between Bruce leaving the Prison to showing up again in Gotham something like 2 or 3 weeks had passed…like the one scene was 21 days left on the bomb and then cut to 3 days to go. Quite enough time for someone of Bruce’s OR Batman’s resources to get home, though the passage of time was not well noted.
The one that was no more clear was how the river ice went from full on paper thinness to capable of holding a multi-man pow-wow (and a burning road flare/gas wick).
Still, I DID see the flick twice which is more than I could say for Prometheus…
Couldn’t agree more with this. Was very surprised especially with how bad TDKR was after the lauding it got from fans and press. What a mess. Incidentally, I noticed how the film used “Crystal Skull” logic with regards to survivability and safely measured distances from atomic weapon detonations…
As far as cinema goes, on this summers blockbuster showings…we’re in trouble.
Good article. Thanks.
Should the author of an article that outlines his opinions and criticisms on certain films really resort to an ALL CAPS flame war when someone criticises his work?
I imagine Bruce Wayne got back to Gotham via plane, or boat. like a normal person. He’s got connections and friends in the right places, as seen in The Dark Knight.
Who let this idiot write an article on this site? I mean all he did was bitch about the stupidest things.
Yes. That is the point of the article, as evidenced by the title. Perhaps that fact eluded you, given that you are probably one of the very morons who succumbed to the nonsense of the movies this summer.
This is disgraceful. The way you respond to peoples comments and opinions is pathetic and very foolish. I don’t know how this website prefers to represent itself but I’m sure it’s not by blasting their readers for having a different opinion.
You say it was a terrible summer for movies yet the public would disagree. Avengers, Dark Knight Rises and Spider-Man made over $3 billion between them. Your reasons for hating all these films are really, really petty.
Dark Knight Rises may not be the best out of the trilogy but I still think it’s a damn good film. Bane is more than enough reason for it being a good one.
A few of your criticisms for DKR could easily be figured out. The food was being lowered to the police by Bane’s men – so if they tried to get out via that route then they would be killed.
The explosive point – no one in Gotham may be brave enough to stand up to these men. The whole city is in chaos and there is only a handful of police left. They’ve seen what happens – why would they want to risk setting off the bomb as well? The boat point is the same. No one is allowed to leave, a boat is a pretty obvious, floating target. I assume is also what stopped Gordon advancing on the bomb – the triggerman or the threat that anyone attacking the bomb would set it off.
I don’t recall citizens forming a mob, I recall the released prisoners forming a mob. There are still low life thugs and criminals in the city who weren’t in prison. It’s still a city with crime after all.
Blake’s so called moronic speech happened in ‘Dark Knight Returns’. The new Robin figured out who Batman was and she was only a child too. I also remember Bruce Wayne finding Fox who took him to a hideout which had his costume there, so that explains him getting the costume back. And as for routes in the city? Use your imagination, there must be many routes Batman can and probably did take in and out of the city throughout the years. It is quite possible he used one of those.
Batman setting the bridge on fire was a good idea. It was to show the people of Gotham that he was here and it gave them hope, inspired them to rise up and fight.
Your criticisms of this film being unrealistic are petty. He’s a man dressed like a giant bat attacking criminals – what part of that screamed realistic? The point of film is offer escapism to their audience, to offer them a another, entertaining reality they can enjoy.
I recommend you respond like a professional writer when dealing with negative comments instead of just insulting people.
Plus, I’d like to point out your ‘But the film’s dumbest moment, coming off like the fastest runner at the Special Olympics’ comment is disgusting.
Are the editors of this site aware they’ve employed a troll to write for them?
Ha ha! Dude, I always wondered why u writers on all these blogs are so polite in yr replies, when u obviously wanna let it rip. But here I am watching u rip it up! Orange juice baby!
Write more!
Ray, you have the right to hate or love any movie you want. I don’t agree with your list, but i had fun reading it.
Except for one part: “the texting crowds of video-game morons”.
Yeah… people texting on the movies shouldn’t be there on the first place, but why the hatred against gamers? I am a gamer and i love movies. I spent hours playing Mass Effect and Fallout 3, but i also watched Citizen Kane, Casablanca and Rashomon.
Just because someone loves videogames, it doesn’t mean he (or she) is a bumbling idiot. I have loads of gamer friends that love good cinema.
So what’s the problem? Why so many movie lovers automatically consider gamers “inferior”? I really don’t get this.
I said that because I personally believe that these films are resulting from and popular because of video games. Instead of realistic situations, involving characters, or well-developed, cinematic plots, moves of recent summers have been content to simply throw “cool” graphics on the screen without much sense. Blockbusters very closely resemble video games more than ever, except without the fun of actually playing it.
Oops … I meant to say “movies of recent summers …” I really dislike not being able to edit comments here.
I do agree Ray that kids/teens would rather see explosions for 2 hours than a great story, great script, good characters and acting, etc,
the amount of bad films that make a ton of money is unrealistic, a lot of films that get 30% or less on RT make a lot of money, horror films are a prime example of that,
They’re just summer movies. They’re not there to win any Oscars or Golden Globes. They’re there to entertain us and stimulate the entertainment industry. For every TDKR,The Avengers,and Men In Black 3. We’ll get Argo,Django Unchained,and Looper. Also, for all it’s flaws TDKR is still the better summer movie.
I agree with a few things in this article, but I’m genuinely surprised that a WhatCulture writer has taken to calling people “morons” in the comments section for having an equally fair opinion. You sound mental, Ray.
As I’ve stated several times, the person I called a “moron” referred to me as an “idiot” first. Surely you can see that I replied to him/her, indicating that their comment was first??
It’s still unprofessional man. If you want to take yourself seriously as a writer you’re going to need to grow up. As for your list, well I agreed with most of it except for your criticisms on the superhero films. Now I’m not going to call you a moron, but I will suggest that perhaps you don’t pay very much attention to the films you watch. You seem to take everything for face value, which is fine, most people do, but if you’re going to analyse films, then you’re going to want to pay attention.
The Hulk didn’t suddenly lose control. The original transformation in the film, was due to influence from Loki’s sceptre, not due to Banner’s inability to control his anger. This was a part of Loki’s plan and it’s stated through cinematic language.
I’ve only seen the new Spider-Man once, but I’m pretty sure he was building upon pre-established designs from his father. Also this is during a montage sequence. Which pretty much is universal film talk for “not in one day” it was probably weeks of fine tuning.
Finally as far as The Dark Knight Rises goes, it’s going to be hard for me to convince you, people get really weird when it comes to Batman. Tend to either pick an extreme and stick to it. Hard to sway. What I talk from the John Blake knows who Bruce is scene, is that when he saw Bruce as a kid he “knew”, but I think we’re supposed to assume that he also did some detective work, he just doesn’t go into detail, because he doesn’t have to. See a lot of film is about what’s not said, what happens off screen, sometimes that’s as important was what happens on. We’re never really explicitly told that Bruce’s story in the pit is running parallel to Gotham’s story. That’s an assumption you make based on the fact that it’s edited that way. You appear to have seen a lot of films, is it that hard for you to believe that Bruce’s story happens in half the time as Gotham’s, and that it was simply edited that way for pacing purposes?
Whether any of this changes your opinion or not, I would still hope you take my original advice, and learn to compose yourself properly on a public forum. Do you realise that this is the internet, and this sort of stuff sticks around forever? In the future you may be looking for a job as a writer and they will use this website as a reference. Do you honestly think you’ll get the job if they see that you call the websites readership morons?
‘What a terrible summer for movies! But what a great summer movie season for morons!’ Especially ones with access to keyboards and the internet. This is an article about Dumbing Down. It’s written as a ‘Top 5′ list. You lose, sir.
Is this a haiku? I know you can write complete sentences and join them together to form a point, because I’ve read your articles here (presumably using a keyboard and the internet). However, this particular comment makes no sense.
“Worst Summer Film Season Ever.” Apparently you weren’t around for 2007, which gave us Pirates 3, Shrek 3, and Spider-man 3. Horrible films that made buckets of cash, and can actually be defined as “Blockbusters.” Meanwhile, 60% of your list (Total Recall, Battleship, and Abe Lincoln) were pretty big failures at the Box Office, which takes away your argument and proves that people aren’t dumb enough to watch those movies (except you, as you obviously watched them pretty closely).
Yes, 2007 was pretty awful, too. Good point. I think what hit the low point for me was that several of these films (the Batman film and Prometheus in particular) were trying to be MORE than that, important works of art or something. The fact that they failed so spectacularly put them over the top. Or under the bottom, I mean.
I disagree with some of your points here and agree with others, but regardless I think you should be a bit more respectful towards differing opinions. No need to call someone who enjoyed TDKR a moron. The whole point of writing an opinionated article is to share your OPINION and accept others’. I had a slew of people disagree with a lot of the points of my last article, but I didn’t go and call them stupid. I’m glad to hear people actively discussing points I made, even if it’s negative. You really shouldn’t be so rash. It takes the fun out of writing articles like this.
I called one commenter a “moron” because he referred to me as an “idiot” first. Someone like that does not deserve respectful attribution.
What a bitter bitch… There are a lot of stupid moments in movies but I don’t let that fact to ruin my life. The best way is to take this things with a funny attitude. With this kind of bitching nobody or at least the majority of the readers in this site will take you seriously. “He didn’t do it like in the comic books… boo hoo.”… Bitter, just bitter.
Two words:Troll Rant……….
Ray youre kind of a rude dick.People can’t comment on what you say without you being a asshole? And by the way,a reminder.BATMAN IS BASED ON A COMIC BOOK CHARACTER.Stop trying to analyze it,it’s just there for fun.
Classic “every movie is garbage unless I say so” mindset. Use caps lock to try to persuade everyone to feel the same way so that once a movie comes around that you like, everyone will go nuts. Your anti-blockbuster stance is not going to win you many readers.
Mr.Ray DeRousse! u my dear sir, has surely made the best case against The Dark Knight. Though I liked the movie just fine, those were the very same questions I asked myself, and hoped the folks I watched the movie with, didn’t ask, at the end of the movie. They didn’t, and I felt happy and simply got caught up with the zeitgeist. After all, it’s just a movie. A movie that I had to watch twice in one week. My sense of annoyance was a little worse the second time around.
Yes, why the bloody hell did he transport Bruce to India??? And he broke his goddammed back!!! And who feed those prisoners in the hole?? And on and on. The worst was the bat sign. Did he hire someone, or climb the damned thing and do it himself, when he hardly had hrs before the bomb went off??
In short, this was the most intelligent Dark Knight bashing article on yr site. Much like the movie, (which I did enjoy, with all it’s faults), most of the Dark Knight articles here(which I do enjoy, with all it’s faults), have been mostly rubbish.
So once again Mr.Ray DeRousse, well done.
i think what the commenters are trying to sum up is that it may be time to head back to the drawing board on this article. Also, for future reference, when you work for a site, it’s probably not wise to bash on the people who visit the site and read your article(or correct there grammar, which is a sure fire way to point out you have no argument), it’s just bad business. If you can’t handle negative criticism like a grown up, then maybe journalism isn’t the field for you.
JUST COS YOU SHOUT LOUDER DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU’RE RIGHT.
Very disrespectful to abuse your readers so.
You make some good points, but to chastise your readers for having a different opinion is demeaning and condescending and frankly makes you look like a worse MORON than any of the so called morons you keep knocking.
MORON.
Mr DeRousse, you must have completely misunderstood the film and what it intends to convey. I believe that the problem you have with this movie is that you choose to see it as a comic book movie, a superhero flick. You want it a movie about Batman’s saving the day adventure and beating the villains to pulp and stuff. Because of this, you want the plots to plausible and coherent. Sorry to disappoint you but this film (as well as the previous two) isn’t about that. They are more about Bruce Wayne/Batman. Not much of his adventure. This is not similar to the Avengers, which is all about interesting characters and actions.
In these films, Christopher Nolan chose to tell a story about Bruce Wayne and his psyche, and Batman as a symbol, not a superhero figure. The rest, the other characters, villains, the settings, etc are merely devices used by Nolan to serve/facilitate the main story. Mr Nolan isn’t interested much in telling Batman’s adventure. He relies on our suspension of disbelief to make sense all the actions going on in the films. Furthermore, the reasons, I believe, why Nolan chose to take realistic treatment of his films is so that the audience can relate to Bruce Wayne. The characters (including the villains), most of the events in the films, the setting Gotham city are all used as allegories to our real world counterpart. They aren’t supposed to be taken literally. This is also why they must have the elements of realism, so that we can relate these to the world around us, besides to make the movies aesthetically appealing.
I don’t think it’s appropriate to judge TDKR negatively just because it has a number of nearly impossible events. Just because Nolan chose to give these Batman films a realistic treatment doesn’t mean every single details of the plots and events have to be realistic and plausible. In fact, almost all the action aren’t that quite realistic as it seems upon closer inspection. As I have said before, he relies on our suspension of disbelief to make sense them. In TDKR, audience can simply use their prior knowledge of Batman to accept that Bruce is able travel across the world to reach Gotham after escaping from the pit. We know that in Batman Begins, Bruce has done the same and lives a life as a criminal without his money, ID, passport and stuff. Not only that, he has been trained to move stealthily and to be, I quote from Ra’s al-Ghul, “invisible”. For the rest, Nolan could only hope that the scenes could successfully pull suspension of disbelief on most of us, and he did it.
An intelligent comment!
I certainly see your point. However, I would argue that Nolan went to great pains in the previous two films to make Batman a real-world hero who actually performed great feats and saved Gotham due to his training, his wealth, and his great anger/sadness. The psychological aspects are there, but Batman still played as much with real-world rules/physics/logic as was possible in a superhero film.
Now suddenly we’re supposed to believe that Batman doesn’t play by those rules?
I realize that, in BATMAN BEGINS, Wayne traveled the world. However, on those travels, I’m sure he didn’t learn how to overcome a broken back multiple times in a matter of weeks, or discover a way to transport through time and space.
Why can’t Batman fans simply admit that Nolan overreached with this final film, and screwed it up by trying to attempt too much? I do think it’s admirable that Nolan tried something bigger and more meaningful than something like THE AVENGERS with this film, but it’s hopelessly messed up.
I couldn’t agree with you more Ray. I’m all for comic book and popcorn movies. I’m all for summer fun. However, they need to make sense with in the context and “reality” that is established. Your 1&2 on this list have firm realities dating to Alien and Batman Begins. They should be followed. If it doesn’t make sense in context it spoils the experience and is reduced to bad script writing and poor choices by the directors to include such things. It’s as if Nolan and Scott were determined to show us certain things, and shoe horned the script to meet those ends. They know they can get away with it. Audiences, like the ones bashing you here, will accept it. True film fans should demand more. Even from a summer blockbuster. Think Jaws.
It’s possible to make an intelligent and sensible popcorn movie. Why should we as an audience settle for less? When films like TDKR make a billion dollars it only justifies this laziness.
Ray, if you’re looking for nice and sweet comments perhaps you should write more of an arbitrary list list about the 7 Best Catwoman Ass Shots. Or 53 Reason why Sex in the City 2 Is the Greatest Film of All Time. Or the 6 Best Inches of Nolan’s Cock.
That’s how you get respect on this site. Not writing intellegentlly about film.
No, I think ejaculatory Doctor Who articles would work best. But of course, I’d be wrong again, as I would definitely say that Tom Baker’s era is better than any of the current stuff.
I am not a fanboy btw, I sit back and watch a film, any film, if i like it I like it, if I don’t I don’t, simple.
I don’t listen to other people, critics etc, I just watch a film and form my opinion,
If I don’t like it I won’t ever watch it again,
If I like it but it wasn’t a great film I might watch it again if it’s on,
and If I really like and I want to watch loads more times I buy the film on blu ray,
I am not a fanboy, nolanite whatever you want to say, I watch a film and either dislike it, like it or love it, end of story… and i loved TDKR, regardless of how many people want to bash it
For anyone wondering the list of the Best 6 Inches of Nolan’s Cock is as follows.
6. The 3rd inch from the tip. He has a nice mole there that makes a great tickler.
5. The 2nd inche from the tip. That’s where all his screen writing ability comes from.
4. The 5th inch from the tip. That’s where the idea for Cristian Bale’s Bat-growl came from.
3. The 4th inch from the tip. That’s where there’s a vein that’s sort of shaped like the Batman logo.
2. The tip. That’s the tastiest part. Nolan precum is the nectar of the gods.
1. The base. That’s that spot that all Nolan fans hit with out questioning anything.
Honorable mention: His prostate. Just because.
Let’s not forget the balls. Because that’s where this film came from.
You do not overcome a broken back in a matter of weeks, especially not with a judo-chop to the area to “push it back in.” And, of course, the film specified that Gotham had five months total. So I’m not sure how Wayne could recover (from multiple injuries to the back, obviously), get out of prison in another country, and find his way to Gotham. It’s ridiculous nonsense that probably looked fine enough in the screenplay, but the film’s idiotic pacing reveals for what it is.
I agree with your criticisms for the dark knight rises, yet I enjoyed the film. BUT He doesn’t get his back broken every time. Only once.
It wasn’t even broken in the way Bane broke his back in Knightfall when he had shattered several vertebrae. In the film, he suffers a dislocated vertebrae. Judging from his ability to move still, he would be in stable condition. From there it takes on average 1-2 months to heal.
While I agree TDKR had errors, I think your comment on it is way too exaggerated.
If I recall correctly, he only had his vertebra misplaced, not his back broken, but I’m not a doctor or medical expert so I can’t be sure if this was possible.
As already stated, in Batman Begins, he spent 7 years traveling the world without money, I don’t see why it is such a big deal to believe he would have gotten back to Gotham again and to infiltrate it, after all, he was trained to “become invisible” by the league.
What makes you think he travelled vast stretches of land and ocean in milliseconds without any effort? How did you time that?
And finally, weren’t you paying attention during Bane’s speech? I think nobody tried to escape due to the fear of being blown up, which he would have done if there had been contact from the outside world or attempts to escape. Also, what makes you think the waters are not being guarded? I am sure Bane would have thought of all possible escape routes, including boats.
As shown in the film, the vertebrae was protruding from his back. Probably under most real-word biological circumstances, Wayne would AT LEAST be paralyzed. As far as I know, a karate chop is not the standard curative technique for this condition.
In any event, the falling on the end of the rope three times would’ve really done the trick.
“As far as I know” you don’t know anything. Protruding vertebrae is not a broken back, furthest from it and doesn’t lead to paralysis, treatments usually range from sessions with chiropractor to exercising.
“if a person climbed 3-4 days a week, he could likely take 1000 lead falls a year” source – Lead climbing injuries [Wiki]. i think he would have been fine from all those end of the rope falls.
Regardless, try to understand that these films are grounded in reality not reality otherwise he would have died from his fall in bb and then again in tdk with rachel.
Why the hell are you abusing the readers??..Everyone is entitled to an opinion MORON…Can the editor of this site stop this guy from making comments..I have seen many battles in the comment sections but this is the first time the person who actually wrote the article is being abusive.Ban him from commenting….
I called one commenter a “moron” because he referred to me as an “idiot.” Do I not have the ability to respond in like fashion to those who first call names??
Not when you are supposed to be an ambassador for this website. The thing that should set a writer apart from their readership is standards, you should practice more dignity than the trolls calling you names, its unbecoming and will slow down the process of people taking you seriously in your craft. From this article and your responses alone, I’m baffled as to how you were allowed anywhere near a writing job. In short, grow up.
Ps seen tdkr 4 times, I’m SURE they address he’s back as dislocated!?
As I mentioned above, the vertebrae was shown as protruding out of his back. It’s either broken (which would, in non-comic book circumstances, lead to paralysis) or so severely dislocated that it would require more than a karate chop (hint: surgery) to repair, and more than the four or five months of the film’s time frame.
As I said, if a film pretends to play in the real world with real biology and physics, then the film needs to at least make some sense along those lines. Nolan is clearly attempting a real-world superhero and a realistic take on the genre. That is why this sequence is so ridiculous in the context of the entire trilogy.
i understand that argument fully but its so flawed.
if you claim that one of the films many arguments is its realism, do you then believe that EVERY second of the film needs to be grounded.
we have 2 films prior laying the ground of a realistic superhero movie. so the third comes with fireworks and all then theres people like you saying “errr not real”. cant you just ease off on that and enjoy the finale and the spectacle.
i believe someone else has commented how begins has bruce wayne surviving with no money and getting picked up by alfred. surely that should get the same treatment?
the realism is great, yea sure. but don’t hold onto it so tight.
So your problem with Amazing Spider-man was the making web shooters out of watches part and not the getting super powers from a radioactive spider part?
Look, that is part of the mythology of SPIDERMAN. Sure, it’s not realistic, obviously, but that’s how he gets the ability to climb walls or sense danger, etc.
That was why I preferred the Raimi version of the story – the organic webshooters were a natural outcropping of the spider bite.
But if they are going to jettison the organic webshooters for mechanical ones (which is fine by me), then the film needs to explain HOW he invented this amazing device (that would, most likely, have huge ramifications for the world)in his bedroom in one afternoon with a screwdriver and a watch.
Basically, the screenwriters didn’t want to waste time coming up with an explanation for it, or Peter’s development of it as a power (so well done in Raimi’s film). He just apparently farts out the idea in between episodes of Family Guy or something. It’s dumb.
Bad scriptwriting? Inconsistent plot holes? Apparent ability to travel from country to country? Healing from a broken back in a few months? There’s only one reasonable explanation…
He’s Batman!
Okay, okay, I kid. While watching any movie I don’t usually catch on to plot holes and such right away. In hindsight, I could see the flaws of TDKR. While watching it however, over the halfway point, I remember thinking, “This isn’t as good as TDK.” Nonetheless, I still enjoyed TDKR but believe it is second, perhaps even third best, in the series.
I thoroughly enjoyed The Avengers. Is it a “smart” movie? No. Is it Oscar worthy? Aside from VFX, probably not. But it was by far the most fun and entertaining movie of the summer. Now that I admit to liking the movie, explosions and all, does that make me dumb?
And the bit about movies being dumber because of video games? C’mon now, even you must realize how idiotic that sounds. If anything books/novels have a bigger impact on the movie industry but even then, books aren’t to blame. If a movie is bad, there’s no one else to blame other than the filmmakers. And by extension, the studio behind it.
Yes, I’m going to keep writing in this basement until I reach the heights of the English language that you have so clearly and effortlessly ascended! You’re my inspiration!
I LOVED The Dark Knight RISES!!!
Its emotional & thrilling ride was just Unbelievablely AWESOME!
I don’t wasn’t to go on & on to say how much I love it!
Just will give numbers:
BATMAN BEGINS: 9/10!
THE DARK KNIGHT: 10/10!
THE DARK KNIGHT RISES: 9.9/10!
BUT I prefer TDKR over TDK… Cuz of its emotionality, action & ENDING!
& NOLAN managing to make 3 INCREDIBLE films! (4, if add INCEPTION as well)!
Ok… Now On that plot-hole:
NO! It’s not a plot-hole!
I’ll explain it; hopefully u get it!
In all films they’ve consistently shown BATMAN escaping infront of Gordon while he’s distracted & BATMAN does it very often! It’s the part of BATMAN’s majesty that you don’t know HOW he does certain things! He’s Über-Realistic in NOLAN-VERSE but he’s still a SUPERHERO with lots of powers we DON’T KNOW & are NEVER TOLD!
They never say he travelled over-night to reach Gotham from that Pit… Cuz when 3 SpecialForces officers bodies were hanged, there are 23 days left in bomb to go off! (as it was told to officers by Fox, just before their murder)!
Then Bruce sees their hanging bodies & smashes tv…. Then he could’ve taken just a few more days to escape & travelled back to Gotham in 15-20 days!
As he traveled in BB, from Gotham to Burma as thief! & he has several contacts worldwide; He can get back in 2+ weeks; HE’S BRUCE WAYNE! He’s broke but not dead!!
Now how he got back in Gotham… Well anyone can come in… Like SpecialForces guys came… With some Food Supply truck!
You can’t leave Gotham… But you can come in!
I hope it explains… & anyother issue anyone has is just the matter of Observation!
NOLAN is too smart to have these plot-holes!
A guy who can Write & Direct MEMENTO, PRESTIGE & INCEPTION is too smart for these small “mistakes”!
Sure, I guess if yoiu believe that Batman has superhuman powers, then anything is possible.
But you do a nice job of trying to explain away Batman suddenly showing up in Gotham and immediately finding Catwoman in a city under siege … oh, I’ve already gone over these things enough.
Your main arguement against the movie is that a scene is unrealistic, but you deem the entire movie as garbage. To be honest, it seems like nitpicking. If the film went too deeply into exposition of how he got back in the city, it would drag. Nolan didn’t NEED to tell us how he got back. In the prior movies, it is shown how he is able to find his way out of situations through his intelect. While I agree that a bit of explanation would have been nice, it doesn’t make the entire movie bad. Your complaints overshadow the character and depth of the film.
haven’t watched Total Recall (love the 1990 film) and Abraham Lincoln (looks ridiculous). Battleship is okay for popcorn movie, just like the first Transformers movie. I love Prometheus despite its lack of characters’ development (everyone just dies and dies).
I’m 100% with you on TDKR. I love Nolan’s works but this one is a total mess. Yes, it has a great cinematography and every technical aspect a film could have but the story is so weak.
Things I can remember from TDKR are
1. Selina Kyle needs the super software to erase her criminal records but she can find her ways easily to work at Bruce Manor.
2. Who is Miranda Tate? Suddenly she is an important member of Wayne’s board and Bruce just suddenly interested in her romantically after hiding in his manor for 7 years.
3. Batman and Bruce Wayne are out and back to action in the same time after 7 years, yet no one notices that. even “Robin” can notice him just by looking at Bruce’s eyes.
4. Every police in Gotham is a moron, just send everyone to the underground when there is a terrorist threat.
5. Is Bruce Wayne completely love blinded by Seline Kyle? After she stole his fingerprints and trapped him with Bane
6. Bane is a very good guy. He provided food, water, and razor for the trapped polices. Even a TV for Bruce Wayne!
7. Batman didn’t have any troubles to stand on the ‘thin’ ice.
8. Do you identify a plane crash victim by his or her blood only? Meh..
9. Is it that easy to make a big enterprise like Wayne’s with fingerprints only?
10. I don’t know, there’s just too many of them.
I find it weird that everyone praises the movie like it’s the best movie of all 3 movies and else.
“I love Prometheus despite its lack of characters’ development (everyone just dies and dies)”
Thx man. Really. I live in Turkistan. The movie hasn’t arrived here. It was what my family and I have been waiting for the past year. That and some rain. And now I know they die. They all die.
I’m going out to shoot my horse now. He’s ill.
Guess what? He dies too.
You are a retched man.
Really? You keep saying you respect your readers but you makes post where you call anyo e who enjoyed the TDKR a fanboy? What kind of journalist are you? If we don’t agree with you that makes us fanboys?
I’m far from being a fanboy. I enjoyed the movie, TDK was much better, but this was a great movie. And yes, who cares how he got back or how broken his back was, or how he escaped the plane. As much “realism” as there is in this movie, it’s at the end, a Hollywood flick. If I’m going to start asking how real things are, I might as well give up because I for certain could not believe any of the action sequences of any of the 3 films, or a simple thing as Harvey Dent still being alive and moving around with half his face turned into a skeleton. Very real, no? I think I can digest the broken back healed over 5 month story a little better.
Take the movies for what they are. Comic books with realism tones, but never actual real life dramas.
Journalist? Have you ever read anything on this site? It’s as fanboyish as it gets.
At least pay attention, guys.
I’ve never seen most of the trolling in a comment section come from the original author before.
I think it’s kind of embarrassing that your readers are coming up with more respectful, diplomatic responses than you.
Having a nasty, fascistic attitude towards the opinions of your readers isn’t going to win, or keep, you any fans.
You should probably consider taking a new job or changing your attitude.
Yes, they have been so diplomatic, haven’t they? Anonymous, disagreeable trolls calling me an idiot or telling me that they’re glad that they don’t have a depressing life like I do.
How would you prefer that I respond to this?
If you actually read all of my comments here, I have responded in like manner to what I received. To intelligent commenters who disagreed, I responded accordingly. But I’m not giving respect to cowering, anonymous fanboy whiners who want to call names behind their anonymous internet personas. I can certainly be nasty with the best of them, and have no problem doing so.
I think it’s safe to say Mr. DeRousse is a f***ing hack! They’re all MOVIES man, not real life documentaries. Besides, what kind of a moron insults the only people who read your egotistical articles? That’s not the way to thrive in the business world nowadays….
U Dumb idiot… in batman Begins… Bruce Wayne never used his money and resources to fin his way in and out of the City. Besides ur life is sad, u didnt like TDKR.. hmm ur taste in movies is poor.
Again and again, I ask someone to demonstrate how I insulted any of the anonymous commenters who did not first call me names. I mean, if you’re going to make the accusation, surely you should provide examples.
take a good look at the jacket that bruce is wearing when he comes back to gotham and meets selina!! it looks like the same jacket that bruce is wearing in batman begins when he is arrested in china for trying to steal wayne enterprises stuff!! being a billionaire being batman he could have stash houses all over the world and even some connections when he was wandering the world before becoming batman!!
I agree with some points here
But i wouldnt say its a mess or bad
sure every movie has their weakpoints and i think the dark knight trilogy was great
I disagree with the traveling part, as he has done it before
The bat signal i agree with, unless he had it pre-made sometime
The prison and the back was fine, He spent weeks hanging on that rope and had weeks left when he escaped
I liked the film and im too young to have read comics or seen the older batmans, I never watched the other films other than bits or pieces
But i believe the points of the films are more about bruce wayne and how one man can change a city, why when harvey comes he feel it’s time to give up
He met someone who can help city without a mask
But i dont watch movies that indepth to notice mistakes or plotholes
I watch movie and if i enjoy what i see i watch it again
If i dont i dont
If i were to look for errors it would ruin film for me
The above is just my viewpoint and i understand some people will watch a film and study it
But to say you wanted more realism is pretty weak for these types of films and most films these days, I thought it was pretty good realism for what it offered
Films always have those “wow how did that happen or how did he survive moments”
As for the avengers i liked the one liners and action scenes, Im also 17, doesnt mean im a stupid dumb kid for liking it for some things it offered
Ps: I think people should ease up on Mr Ray, He is entitled to a opinion on the article as much as i love dark knight trilogy
Also if someone called me a moron or a idiot i would also respond to them as so,
I treat people with respect if they have earned it
I’m not going to say its a great article or a accurate one
But some points i agree with and enjoyed reading
-Ryan
You are absolutely spot on about TDKR. It was a mess of a film. Disjointed. Poorly paced. Bizarre character motivations and actions. Some really terrible dialogue. Weak fight choreography. I could go on and on.
I love Christopher Nolan. I love Batman. I loved the first two films in Nolan’s trilogy, warts and all, but there is simply too much wrong on so many levels in TDKR for it to even be an enjoyable movie watching experience.
I do not see how anyone can justifiably defend this film as the people in the comments section above are doing. Much less attack you for your thoughts and then whine when you defend yourself.
this guy has not looked at the themes and messages the films have considering I am a film studeis student he just pointed out bad script writting and editing. I thought Avengers was well done. Amazing Spider-man was well done and Dark Knight Rise (the flaws can be explained through more scnenes the film was 4 hours long rumoured. But promethus was good for the religion views it was well written just needed more work. pointing out the flaws kinda takes away the enjoyment to the audience but we still watch them because we enjoy them for escapism. (ohh I also play computer games no hard feelings)
I would submit that, before a film can build themes and messages, it needs a solid script, solid direction, and careful editing. These are the basics, the framework upon which everything else hangs. Nobody goes to a movie in order to be provoked intellectually from a film – although that is wonderful. They go to see a story unfold in a reasonable and exciting manner. The rest (the messages, symbolism, and themes) are merely icing on the cake.
Can I just put forward one more thing, people who are complaining about TDKR plot holes are stupid, every film has little plot holes here and there, Toy Story is the biggest one, full of errors etc yet that has 100%, 100%, 99% and every loves it (I do love the films), but why? Because their animated films that are enjoyable, just sit back and enjoy the film forget about the errors and plot holes.
That’s what you need to with TDKR, just sit back, watch it and enjoy it. Don’t complain, moan and pick at plot holes, because every film has them, EVERY FILM!!!! Even TDK had them just people don’t mention them because of a dead actor.
I agree,
Watch a film to enjoy it, Not to nitpick and look at plotholes and degrade the film
Exclamation points!!!!!!
Ray my friend, you are a bad ass.
Ray, no joking, please make more TDKR bashing articles. The critical tide needs to turn on this movie.
There are a lot of critics who didn’t like TDKR, or definitely thought it was the worst of the three films. It seems that the fanboys are the ones who simply cannot allow themselves to accept that the film is flawed or that Nolan’s writing/direction is a mess here.
Sorry I have to disagree with you on DKR. Jeremy Jahns, and Chris Stuckman and the Schmoes all gave this movie high marks. They don’t do that to bad movies.
does this guy like anything? seriously, lighten up and enjoy a film for once without focusing only on its flaws. And if you want to point out flaws this guy throws the words “dumb” and “stupid” around like a tantrum throwing pre-schooler.
your an idiot
Agree
Really?
I rewatched DKR last night because I fear I had been too hard on it and I was right; DKR works great as unintentional comedies. Bane sounds like an angry poodle pontificating about work relations or a bad dinner theatre actor reciting hamlet. If you pay attention in the black gate prison break sequence you can literally see him go cross-eyed from over-acting. He obtains the rarified air of arnold’s potrayal of Mr. Freeze. COMEDY GOLD PEOPLE!
Hey, I walked around the next day after having a hysterectomy & I didn’t even have aliens or evil androids chasing me. Don’t underestimate the resiliency of the human body
How did you get selected to write for this site? Ridiculous. There is a difference between opinion pieces and ranting. You, sadly, rant on a website that is for opinion-based articles. Christ. With you as a contributor, I find myself weary to return. Even though I love this site.
This list seems to be written by an angry individual who doesn’t reallly “get” summer movies. Between this and the silly underrated Adam Sandler movie list I think I’ve had my fill. I understand there are a lot of these self anointed movie experts clogging the Internet and spewing out a bunch of cynical know it all crap but an entire website devoted to the practice is too much to handle. I’m sorry I read this list and will pass on reading anything from this site ever again. Best of wishes.
Ray u r a massive whinger & I agree with some of your comments,
But dude, if your so critical…why go to the movies??
Why don’t u go watch documentaries.
That way everything will be plausible to u
This may have been pointed out already, but, you know in the avengers the hulk can control when he changes throughout the film, except when he’s on the hellicarrier and Loki messes with his head.
I guess you may not have noticed that…
Man, I’m tired of seeing that argument. HOW DID BRUCE BANNER TURN INTO HULK WANTING TO?
Easy. When he was on the SHIELD carrier, and fell due to the explosion, getting angry was out of his control. HE got pissed off because there was an attempt at his life and there was no controlling it, therefore his rage was uncontrollable. Unlike when he gets mad when he wants to and turns into the Hulk that way.
Goddammit, whatculture is spiraling down into a one-trick list pony
The way Beckingsale’s character was written, I kept seeing Selene from Underworld. About the only thing they made sure to have “Lori” do was grunt a bit every time she made one of her impossible jumps/falls/whatever, in an attempt to let us know: Hey! This is NOT Selene!
Please stop using multiple exclamation points and question marks after each sentence. It is not proper grammar and lessens your article by making you look like an amateur.
Suspension bridges do not work that way!
What a dumb, hateful and ill-thought out article. Why does this website have no quality control system in place?
Battleship was one of the best movies I’ve seen this year, and I was extremely skeptical when I went to see it. I though it was an excellent piece of directing and acting.
Ray,
Don’t listen to any of these retards. They’re just sensitive idiots that won’t realize and see what TDKR was.
I was extremely disappointed at TDKR. BB and TDK both tried really hard to focus on realism and TDKR just threw it all out.
Honestly, the twist was so pointless that it destroyed any tension that Bane produced. He wasn’t the one who crawled out of the hole? WTF so he isn’t a bad @#@! Just a henchmen…
With the class structure as a general idea in the movie, why not make Bane truly the person that crawled up from that prison. Make him a poor individual that had his life destroyed by the rich of gotham/US etc. and his “vengeance”(cough BB cough; links to Ras also)as his main motive for destruction?
Thus,you would have a more character driven film and also a way of connecting the series. Pretty much, you can have the end of the film with bruce and bane fighting and bruce finally beating bane to near death and apologizing for what happened to bane and truly understanding what bane had lost in his life. Bruce finally understands killing through desperation. Bane, sorry for what he has done, allows himself to die.
Agreed! Ray
You realize you have no life, right?
The underground railroad………..
I’d like to see you thrash Schumacker’s Batman and Robin but not this one.
I don’t really like the list but everyone has their opinion. However, I do would like to point out the LUNACY in Runner’s Up #1. If you’ve seen THE INCREDIBLE HULK, in the very end of the film you see Ed Norton’s Banner meditating and then he opens his eyes which turn HULK Green but he smiles and the screen fades to black thus, implying that instead of avoiding his transformation (which he un-successively did the whole movie) he is learning to Control it.